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Life Forever Jokes

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart beat fast, and changes your life forever.

We call those people cops around here.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who knew that learning Morse Code would change my life forever?

Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!

Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

Stop clicking on click-bait!


(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Hallowee...

A couple is playing golf, when accidentally the ball flies out of the field and breaks a window of a nearby house

The house looks quite expensive, and the couple is very nervous, wondering how much they have to pay for the window. They knock the door, and a middle aged man opens it.

The husband apologizes: “Good afternoon sir. I and my wife were playing golf here. We didn’t mean it, but we have to apolog...

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Diagnose

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.
Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!
It's much worse than that!
I've got arthritis in my hands!

My friend got fired

VERY SAD DAY for a friend of mine of after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one small indiscretion. She slept with one of her patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, money and training. She's still paying on her school loans. This goes to show ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Doc..." says Steve. "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for!?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done." replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor. "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gallon of chocolate ice cream

A heavy set woman walks into an ice cream store and orders a gallon of chocolate ice cream. The man behind the counter says "ma'am, i'm so sorry, but we just ran out of chocolate."
Now this heavy set woman is an executive-type, and she is hungry and in a hurry, she says "Look asshole, give me a h...

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