UPJOKE
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I chose not to put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay...

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about...

The Monkees visit a bar every Tuesday...

Each time they visit, they never finish their drinks, leaving them for the waiter to tidy up.

One night, the waiter approaches Micky Dolenz:

"Excuse me sir, you waste $30 on drinks every Tuesday that just get thrown down the drain. Why do you do it?"

Micky turns to the waiter an...

Moving the Hive

I'm a devoted beekeeper, so when my wife and I decided to move to a new house I carefully packed up my favorite hive and placed it in the car. My wife asked "are you really going to put a swarm of bees into our car with us ?" I thought she understood that I couldn't leave my best queen and hive b...

I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those nasty insects, make up your mind", at first I didn't think she was serious.

Then I saw her face.

Now I'm a bee-leaver.

Met a girl who raised bees

She was a keeper.

My friends said she was no good for me. At first I denied it, but I caught her cheating and now I'm a bee-leaver

The Bodybuilder Bee left his wife.

She called a friend for a shoulder to cry on, and she rushed over with chocolate and two bottles of wine.
As they were sitting there, talking and drinking, the now-ex wife said โ€žI still donโ€™t understand it. He said the reason was because he wanted to be a pastor?!โ€œ
Her friend replied โ€žWell, he...

I used to be a beekeeper

I remained so until the Monkees came to my town. Rather than take care of my apiary, my girlfriend wanted me to take her to the concert. I didn't think she was serious, but then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee-leaver.

When I was a kid, I had to quit the marching band based on my religious principles.

I was a real tuba leaver back then.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man takes his wife in to a doctor for some tests...

...that night the Drs office gets ransacked, the computers get destroyed and files were thrown everywhere. The doctor calls the husband, explains the situation and says "your wife and another patient have the same name so I don't know which result to give you", the husband replies "well, what are th...

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