Lviv Jokes

Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?'
The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.'
'Where did you go to school?'
'Poland, Lwow.'
'Where were you married?'
'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.'
Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?' ... read more

“Can I have a beer?” he asks the bartender.
“Sure. It's 100 Hryvni,” replies the barkeep.
“But it was usually 50...”
“Yes, but now it's 50 for the beer and 50 for the occupation of Crimea & the Donbas.”

The Russian frowns, but gives the bartender 100 Hryvni. The waiter takes it, ... read more

Russian: Mark my words the glorious Russian army will be marching into Lviv by December.

Me: Anything's possible I guess, marching will definitely be the course of action I don't think Russia has any tanks left, but I'm not sure if they have any POW camps in Lviv.

Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.

Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?

Guy: Why do you think so?

Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.

Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.

Woman: Yeah. But how have you gue... read more