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Keanu Jokes

Fun movie fact: Did you know that the movie "Speed" featuring Keanu had no director?

Because if it had direction, then the movie would be called "Velocity"

Asian keanu

Asian Keanu arrives at a party

Asian Keanu gets bored

Asian keanu Reeves

I was thinking of making a Groundhog Day style movie with Keanu Reeves as a teenager

Working title is john constant teen

What’s the difference between Abraham Lincoln’s killer and where Keanu Reeves sits at a restaurant?

One is John Wilkes Booth, and the other is John Wick’s booth.

What do you get when Keanu Reeves takes shrooms?

Neosporin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keanu Reeves jokes

I feel like we should start making 'Keanu Reeves' jokes like 'Chuck Noris' jokes!
Keanu Reeves can gargle peanutbutter.
Some kids wear Superman PJs, Superman wears Keanu Reeves PJs
Keanu Reeves had a staring contest with the sun, and won
Why did the chicken cross the road, it was follo...

what do you call a Keanu reeves who doesn't eat vegetables

A John Weak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aliens invade earth

A flying saucer comes down one day. A group of heavily armed, green-skinned extraterrestrials disembark carrying enormous weapons.

One opens his mouth and announces "Greetings Earthlings! You have 72 hours to bring us your world leader! If he finds favor in our eyes, you will be spared. If ...

Keanu Reeves walks into a bar

A month later the bar had to close down because it was now set so high nobody else could enter it

What did Keanu Reeves say to the air thief

Your breathtaking!

Keanu Reeves threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then it exploded

Keanu Reeves is coming out with a candle line...

He's calling them John wicks.

One day, Keanu Reeves is leaving his house...

On his way out, his home is surrounded by paparazzi. Looking into the crowds, he sees 20 people or so, and standing in between all of them, is a rather large machine. He hides his face and quickly rushes to his car.

Keanu, knowing how to elude the paparazzi where possible, drives a rather ro...

It's been reported that Keanu Reeves has been stealing people's inhalers.

In other words, he's breathtaking

What does Keanu Reeves do when his dog dies?

Keanu greeves

Keanu Reeves was charged in court today

for causing breathing difficulties to people around him

How long would it take Keanu Reeves to learn Spanish?

Juan Wick

So Keanu Reeves just stabbed someone in the throat in John Wick...

Gasping for air and dying his victims says two last words. "You're breathtaking"

Where does Keanu Reeves go to do his research?

Wick-ipedia

Keanu Reeves is celebrated as a saint for his hover hands. When I met him he kept cupping my balls!

Best golf partner I ever had.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy rides hies horse in the forest and all of a sudden a small dwarf jumps at the road

the person almost killing the dwarf stops hies horse
go down and tell him "are you mental ?! i could have killed you!"
the dwarf replies "oh thanks for not killing me, im actually a magical dwarf and for saving my life ill grant you three wishes"
the rider thinks for a second a says sure.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix

That was the second time I've been called a neo-nazi.

Knock Knock

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Keanu.
Keanu who?
Keanu hear me talking?

What do you call an actor that is underwater?

Keanu Reefs

Name dropping

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Keanu Reeves and I are good friends," he brags to the bartender. "Just not with each other."

I don’t get it. People still worship this kind, bearded, rebellious guy who was born like ages ago in the Middle East.

I mean come on. Leave Keanu alone.

What do you get when you cross the world’s best actor with the Lorax

Keanu Leaves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Action movie editor

An action movie editor is in the editing room trimming a Keanu Reeves movie.

It’s filled with cool scenes on motorcycles, and hand-to-hand martial arts combat. But it’s long. The editor has to pull some scenes.

So he’s pulling scenes and removes a really cool scene involving a stuntma...

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