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I Need Help Jokes

I got my SIL pregnant and I need help

Is the baby a son or a nephew

I need help with a 17 year old joke about Jello and Communism

So my friend and I started this game 17 years ago where you have to come up with a jello (we altered the rules to allow *some* pastries) that fit a communist theme.

Everytime we come up with a new one we swear there are none left. I know he cheats, cos I cheat too. My sister came up with Ban...

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I need help with my sex addiction...

I tried fucking everything!

I need help finding a Tim Burton movie

I Googled "Tim Burton movie where Johnny Depp plays a quirky, androgynous loner," and Google told me to be more specific.

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[Serious] I need help finding a joke for my mother's funeral

It was one of her favorite jokes but I can't remember the build up. It was something like....someone asked the virgin mary if she was proud of Jesus and since she was a Jewish mom she answered "you know, I really vanted he should be a doctor"

I need help with a crossword puzzle

The clue is 'overloaded postman' and the number of letters is... too many.

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

I need help translating my 11 month old's joke

"Dya nag nag da Mya gad... UH OH!" Followed by enormous laughter. Thanks for any help

I need help with a new fence

I heard r/ jokes were great at reposting...

I need help with this new video I'm making

I want you to say addicted after I finish a phrase.

-Someone who takes to much drugs

-Addicted

-Someone who drinks too much alcohol

-Addicted

-Someone who smokes many cigarettes

-Addicted

-What landed in your mouth this morning?

-Addicted

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Hey man, I need help tying my turds together.

I shit, you knot.

"Doctor, doctor, I'm invisible! You need to check me out, I need help!"

"Well I'm sorry but I can't see you right now, please come back some other time".

I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I need help.

The door is locked

I need help making my wife disappear...

For a couple hours so I can plan a surprise night out for us!

I need help with my geometry homework

it said to draw 2 planes intersecting 2 buildings.

I'm gonna assassinate the prime Minister and I need help from you guys

Shoot me a pm if interested

I need help with my crossword question 2 across

Name something Jesus was nailed to.

I need help guys, I was driking last night.

We had five beers, some vodka, rum and ended it with whiskey. I was totally drunk, so I decided to leave my car there and take a bus. From the bus I saw the police stopping cars and I was so glad I was in a bus. Then I came home.
There is the problem: I have a bus in front of my house and I don'...

I need help finding a joke a homeless guy told me.

Hello reddit, (I hope the mods don’t mind)
Today I saw a guy holding up a sign that said “will work for food” so I stop at a gas station and I bought a cheese burger, a bottle of pop and cookie. then I drove back to where he was and I gave him the food, he was really happy and grateful and he wa...

"I need help with a crossword," I told my wife. "Six letters, a group of people with common ancestry."

She said, "Tribal."


I said, "No, that's only four letters."

I need help. Whenever I call my redheaded wife "my little mermaid" she always lights up

How else can I politely say "your bottom half smells like fish"?

"I need help with this crossword," yelled my girlfriend, almost in tears. "9 letters, another word for 'concentration'.

I think she's seeking attention.

My friends said that I need help with my drinking

So I hired a bartender!!

Is this the right sub? I need help sending mail.

It seems like everyone knows how to repost here.

I started a joke but I need help completing it.

Two quadriplegics walk into a bar...

HELP? I need help remembering a joke. Is it ok to ask this here?

There was a joke about a guy being pulled over saying he was a clown late for the circus, then he took out road flares to juggle to prove to the cop he was a clown, then maybe somebody else drove by or something... does this sound familiar to anyone?

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I need help remembering a joke please.

The "intellectual" joke thread got me thinking about a joke I heard years ago which made me laugh. It requires knowing two languages (Spanish and French I think), but if you get it it's pretty funny. It's something to do with asking a question and the reply meaning two different things in the differ...

(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.

Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.

I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...

I'm obsessed with buying beatles albums

I need help!

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An elderly Man goes to the Doctor.

Man:"Doctor i need help, recebtly i got a new Girlfriend, 26 years old and im pretty much impotent can you help me?"

Doctor:"I have the right thing for you, please drop your pants."

The Man drops his Pants and the Doctor puts a syringe in his Penis, containing a blue liquid.

The...

Guys I need help. What are the type of numbers you get when you take an integer and add it to itself?

I can't even

Hey guys! I need help with coming some jokes about real estate. Does anyone have any good, clean and appropriate jokes?

I'm doing some work for an organization and they requested some jokes about real estate. So far, I'm having a really difficult time coming up with good jokes :(. But my work said I'm allowed to ask Reddit for help. So if anyone can help me out, that would be much appreciated!

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The man with a 25 inch penis.

A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothin...

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A man goes to the doctor

“DOCTOR I NEED HELP!“ he says.

The doctor asked curiously “why are you shouting?“

“I DON’T KNOW, I’VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS, CAN YOU FIND THE REASON?“ the man shouts back.

So the doctor examines the man, and after a while concludes that somehow, the man’s large penis is causing ...

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