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Hearing Aids Jokes

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.

A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks...

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My friend sells hearing aids over the phone (he really does) my favorite joke is:

"Hello, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Shit"

Click

I sent my hearing aids for repair 2 weeks ago

Haven't heard anything since

“What do we want!?” “Hearing aids!”

“When do we want them!?”
“Hearing aids!”

When a cougar needs hearing aids, what is she now called?

A deaf leopard.

An old guy tells his friend, "Hey Lou. I just bought a new brand of hearing aids. $15,000! But they're worth it!" Lou's impressed and asks, "What kind is it?"

The old guy says, "A quarter past three."

My new hearing aids are so good, they're restored my hearing fully

- That's awesome, how long have you had them?
- About 200$

What do you call an old man with his hearing aids turned off?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.

I got hearing aids last week

I shouldn't have used that q-tip I found on the men's room floor.

Paul: I got these really nice hearing aids. It was an amazing deal!

Bill: Oh yeah? What kind is it?

Paul: It is half past 9.

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my boyfriend has hearing aids.

i asked him, “how did you get hearing aids?” he replied, “phone sex, darling.”

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Charlie: "I just bought the most expensive, high-tech hearing aids available."

Eddie: "No shit! What kind is it?"
Charlie: "Quarter after nine."

I've decided to start a buisness selling hearing aids to pirates

I'm going to charge a buccaneer

My dad told me he just got one of the best hearing aids money can buy.

So I asked him "what kind is it?"

He said "about 4:30".

An old couple is sitting in church

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."

"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."

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I fucked a girl in her ear

I should get tested because she now has hearing aids

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I used to know a guy that had phone sex a lot…

Now he’s got hearing aids.

A group of deaf people get together to protest

The group begins chanting

“What do we want?”

“Hearing aids!”

When do we want them?”

“Hearing aids!

I told my doctor I have hearing aids...

... but he insists it's just an ear infection...

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little long, but might be worth it

There once was a lady who was hearing impaired, A man had asked her to go canoeing on the river. As they were on the river they get to the fork and the man says " do you wanna go up or down " ? She exclaims !!! "OH My" pulls down her pants and they proceed to get it on. The next day he again asks if...

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[NSFW] Did you hear about the guy who hired a.....

...... male prostitute to fuck him in the ear?

He got hearing AIDS

Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids

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Why do doctors recommend avoiding sexual contact with the ears

Hearing Aids

A couple escaped from their elderly home to have some beer

Just after the waitress took their order, the man whispered his wife.



"My dear, you know what, I have been naughty, I did a series of silent farts when the waitress was taking our order."



Wife: "Darling, we should not go back to our elderly home after the beer." ...

One thing at a time.

Once upon a time, a little old lady went to the doctor.

She said, "Doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I've had an constant problem with flatulence for weeks now. It's not much inconvenience, because they're quiet, and they don't stink, but I've farted 4 times just while I explained this to ...

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:

"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:

"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"

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I heard they were making a new Power Rangers show, so I checked it out.

Since the producers wanted to show to be more fluid to all people, they decided to bring in new rangers. They had all the usual colored rangers, but then they started to add a few more as the show went on.


There were three new rangers that had different disabilities. One was colored ora...

My old doctor said he could tell if someone was infected with HIV with just a stethoscope...

Because they’re useful hearing AIDS

My dad just said this and claims he thought of it himself.

An elderly couple, Ed and Martha go out to dinner together. Martha feels a rumble in her stomach and says to Ed, “Ed, I think I just had a silent fart. What should I do?”

Ed replies, “Well, honey, you could start by turning up your hearing aids.”

Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?

She didn’t want to get hearing AIDS!

Jake: I think I might be HIV positive

Paul: Omg I'm so sorry. How did you find out?

Jake: Well, I had accidentally come in someone's ear once, years ago. I saw her again yesterday

Paul: And..?

Jake: She has hearing AIDS now!

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A man and a woman were having lunch at the Senior Citizens Center...

..while talking, found out they both liked to fish. He asked her if she would like to go out in his boat that afternoon.

So they headed out and as they headed down the river, they came to a fork. He said to her, "Up or Down?" She ripped off her clothes and they made passionate love. A while l...

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What disease can be transferred by cumming in someone’s ear

Hearing AIDS

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No matter what they tell you, ear sex simply isn't a good idea

That's how you end up with hearing aids

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