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Haunted House Jokes

Yo Mama is so ugly, that when she entered a haunted house,

she came out with an application.

Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house?

Because it was 2 squared

Heard about the alcoholic who lived in a haunted house?

They had a real problem with boos.

I took a girl to a haunted house on a first date.

She ghosted me.

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?

Because the ghosts will bring the boos

Got a variable rate mortgage on a haunted house and a cheap psychic to cleanse the spirits.

A month later it was repossessed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A haunted house

'I can't believe how cheap this estate is! Please tell me: Is there any catch to it?'

'Well, to be honest, it's allegedly haunted ... the previous owners sold it because they claimed they saw ghosts from Monday to Saturday.'

'Ghosts? That's pretty concerning ... How do they look like?'...

I went to a boring haunted house last night.

Nothing really jumped out at me.

To the many people out there who live in haunted houses...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

9 and 5 walk into a haunted house...

9 leans over and whispers "I'm squared."

5 laughs and replies "I'm not, that would be irrational."

Haunted House Idea:

A room full of women saying "I'm fine."

Damn girl, are you a haunted house?

Because I'm scared to come inside you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took some Viagra before visiting a haunted house.

I was scared stiff.

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that ...

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Boys and a Haunted House

Three boys were standing in front of an old abandoned house in their neighborhood. There was a rumor going around that the place was haunted.

"I'm not going in there. Fuck that." Said the first boy.

"You pussy. I aint scared of nothing." Said the second boy. So he slipped inside the ho...

Have you heard about the haunted house shortage?

Seems like a lot of people are running out of them.

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in terror.

I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost.

Absolute cowards.

What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?

A scary go round.

What happens if you don't pay the priest, who comes to exorcise your haunted house?

Your house gets repossessed.

What’s the difference between dating a psychopath and going to a haunted house?

Once you come inside you can’t go back

My dating life is like a haunted house

I keep getting ghosted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when you take a shit in a haunted house?

A spooky dookie

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

What do you use to plan a haunted house?

Boo prints. :)

I went to a haunted house last night

The scariest part was making small talk with the staff

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?

Repossessed

Did you know Helen Keller lived in a haunted house?

Neither did she.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Stooges are spending the night in a haunted house...

and get up to their usual eye-poking, nyuk-nyuking, slapstick shenanigans. In the middle of the pie fight, a poltergeist appears. Curly throws a cream pie and it turns around in midair and smacks him right in the face!
He turns to Moe and says, "Hey, I think that ghost must have been from Austra...

I had a chance to buy a couple of haunted houses and turn them into rental properties...

but I said no, because who wants to be the lessor of two evils?

I tried stand-up before, but it didn't work out. My first audience was a real tough crowd

I was performing in a haunted house and the only responses I got were "boooo".

"Whenever one door closes, another opens."

"Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."


"No, I live in a haunted house."

Did you guys know that according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria

And becomes the haunted house of the cell

In my opinion, if we're going to fight the war on terror

A good place to start would be our country's haunted houses

I just met the girl of my dreams...

Yeah I probably shouldn't have bought a haunted house.

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