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Gassy Jokes

Why were the gassy mummies such great friends?

They had Tutankhamen.

Gassy pimps don't fart.

They have prosti-toots.

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GASSY GRANNY

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and ...

What do you call a gassy Russian?

Vladmir Putin

What do you call a gassy cowboy?

Wyatt Burp

The gassy old man

There once was a old couple who lived together in a small house. The gentleman had a habit of passing the most foul gas that would fill up the house, much to the dismay of his wife. Exasperated, one day the wife told him: "If you keep farting as much as you do, you are going to fart your guts out of...

My gassy dog might be the leader of Russia...

...because she is always Putin.

What do you call a gassy greek?

A Fartin' Spartan

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I found out last night that trail mix makes me gassy.

So, in reality, I don't know what the fuck makes me gassy.

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a man meets his fiancée's father (not OC but my father's favourite joke)

A man is invited to meet his fiancée’s father for the very first time and is understandably nervous.
Unfortunately, he is also a little gassy from some food the night before.
He is sitting in the living room, right next to the dog and directly across from his future father-in-law, when sudde...

What did the farting cow say to the farmer who fed him?

Gassy Ass

A old Jewish man goes to the doctors...

He says "Doctor I've got a huge problem."

The doctor says "What is it?"

He says "I keep getting these silent, smelly, gassy emissions I was with my wife and the Grossmans yesterday and it happened about 100 times during dinner and created a nauseous gas but it was silent so no one new...

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A girl invites her boyfriend to dinner to meet her family

It's the girl's grandmother's birthday and the whole family sits down for dinner. Things are going well until the boy starts to feel a little gassy and realizes he has to pass a little gas. He adjusts himself on the wooden chair and squeaks out a barely audible fart. His girlfriend's mom looks down ...

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A boy meet his girlfriend's father for the first time....

A highschool boy drives over to pick up his girlfriend, her father answers the door along with an old dog.

The boy is asked to sit and wait, but he is very nervous and becomes gassy. (Thankfully I am sitting right next to the dog he thinks to himself)

The boy lets out a silent but stin...

If the man who made walkie-talkies named a few other objects:

Laxitives: passy-gassy

Loofah: cleanie-beanie

Ocean wave: wooshy-splooshy

Socks: heaty-feeties

Musical: singy-thingy

I read that apparently 1 in 10 young Germans believe Auschwitz is a type of beer.



I tried it once. It wasn't for me. Too gassy...

An old woman at the doctor's

"Doc, I have incredible problems with gas. Really, I have to pass gas all the time, but fortunately, they don't smell and you can't hear them at all. You see, since I came in here, I had to pass gas four times already and still, no smell, no sound, nothing."

The doctor nods and writes some me...

Mick Jagger goes to the doctor...

Mick Jagger: "Doctor, I feel all bloated and gassy, but I just can't seem to fart."

Doctor: "Are you saying that..."

Mick Jagger: "Yes, doctor... I can't get no flatus action."

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A man named Ted moved into an apartment building and was invited to have dinner by the old lady next door.

He arrives and is introduced to her beloved cat Sadie and then they sit down to eat.

A few minutes into the meal Ted starts feeling rather gassy. He holds it as long as he can but finally lets out a teeny fart.

Before he can apologize the old lady yells out "Sadie!" and tells her cat t...

A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?


He was Lack Toast Intolerant!


You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

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A joke my 95 y/o grandmother told me...

(Keep in mind that this woman -before she passed a few years ago- was born and lived in a place before cars came there. Enjoy.)

A young girl was very excited to be going on her first date with a boy she had sought after for many months. She was so excited that she, unfortunately, became quite...

A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tomorrow.

But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke.
The wife, understandably is very angry, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out."
The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, her husband falls aslee...

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DUKE!

A young man is about to meet the parents of his girlfriend for the first time. He goes over to her house for dinner and everything is going great until after the meal when he suddenly becomes very gassy. His girlfriend and her mother go to wash dishes and the only ones around is the father and an ol...

A guy really loved beans...

...so much that he had to stop eating them because they gave him horrible gas. After a couple of months, he went out to eat and decided to cave in just this one time since he'd been doing so well. He ended up eating 3 bowls of beans before his girlfriend called to make dinner plans. He knew he was g...

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

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