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Full Length Jokes

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TIL Two girls, one cup is only the trailer for a full length movie

That shit goes on much longer

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Mirror Mirror

A woman is thrift shopping for a full length mirror in various pawn shops. She comes across one she likes and asks the guy at the store about it.

'Well you have to be careful with this mirror' he says 'if you make a wish into a rhyme your wish will be granted'. She thinks it's bull and buys...

How to get a PhD in Music

In some colleges of music, part of the doctoral requirement is to compose an original full length symphony. Because modern music sounds so weird, a good ploy is to take a well-known classical symphony, write it backwards and submit it as an original work. One student took the daring step of taking h...

A businessman rushed into the train station just in time to catch the Brisbane to Rockhampton Express.

A businessman rushed into the train station just in time to catch the Brisbane to Rockhampton Express. On taking his seat he asked the conductor what time the train reached Gladstone.

 

"There's no stop in Gladstone on Wednesdays," replied the conductor.

"What!" Exclaim...

Growing out of the ground

A fit man was admiring his physique in a full length mirror. While naked, he realized that he didn’t have an ‘all over’ tan. He decided to go to the beach the next day to get a tan. He buried himself in the sand with just his twig and berries exposed.

Two old women were walking by when the on...

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A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.

When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said. As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs...

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OH Henry

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memoria...

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A man comes home from work

A man comes home from work to the sound of sobbing coming from the bedroom so he goes upstairs to see what's going on. Upon entering the marital bedroom he finds his wife standing naked & crying in front of the full length mirror.
"Darling, what's wrong?" He asks.

His wife replies " I'...

Irish Joke

O'Grady came home from work one day to find his wife standing naked in their bedroom admiring herself in a full length mirror.

"What the hell are you doing woman?" he demanded.

"I went to the doctor today and while he was performing my physical he said I had a beautiful body," she repl...

Daddy's little swimmer

A class of 8 years old are at the winning pool. All the kids jump in except little Johnny who has Down Syndrom.
Teacher comes to him and asks if he can swim.
"yes I can" he answers
"Are you afraid to go in?"
"No" he answers.
"Go ahead, jump and enjoy then" says the teacher
So littl...

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Taxi driver and the tourist

One day, A taxi driver picked up a tourist in a airport and the tourist told the driver to drive him to the hotel. While on the way to the hotel the tourist started bragging about his stuff he owns.

Tourist: you see this camera? It can take 120 frames per second video, very fast!

The...

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It works ...

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complain...

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The New Gynecologist

One morning, it's time for Karen's yearly checkup on her "lady parts." She drives to the Gynecologist, is shown into an examination room, and prepares for the exam. To her mild upset, her usual Doctor isn't there.

"What happened to Dr. Michaels?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Lewis...

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