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Educ Jokes

Marriage is really educational

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

EDIT: Woke up to find THIS :O

They say you can’t get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

Two educated men are in a public restroom

One finishes at the urinal and proceeds to walk out the bathroom door

"Hey!" the other man calls "What college do you go to?"

"Yale" the man replies

"Don't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" the other man says with a smirk

"What college do YOU go to?" he asks
...

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Two boys are in class during religious education.

The first boy gets so bored that he falls asleep. The teacher then asks the class, "who created the earth?"

The second boy pulls out a needle and jabs his friend in the arm. He wakes up, startled, and yells, "God Almighty!"

"Correct," says the teacher.

The boy eventually drifts ...

Education

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant? ", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive. "I asked, "W...

Education is important

I just found out my best friend slept with his teacher to improve his grade.
I wouldn't have minded so much...if he wasn't home schooled.

I'm making a documentary about the American education system.

Shooting starts soon.

Pit bulls are the dog breed that most values higher education

A lot of them go after their masters.

What do you call a boat driving in circles for a student's education?

An In-Turn Ship!

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year

than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.

A collection of humorous anecdotes from the world of education

>TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map.
>
>MARIA: Here it is.
>
>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
>
>CLASS: Maria.



>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? ...

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My eleven year old still doesn't know how to add, thanks to this shitty education system.

Seriously, who thought letting me homeschool him his whole life was a good idea?

Educated people are hot.

Because they have high degrees

Importance of a good college education

A father is lecturing his son about the importance of a good education.

“Father, what’s the difference between a man with a college degree and a man without?” Said the son.

“Well son,” said the father, “you can perform the same job but the outcome will vary depending if you have a co...

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A boy gets an F in sex education.

He says "I can't believe it. I want to kick Mrs.Hall in the nuts for this!"

I educate my kids using r/jokes

It teaches them that you gain karma by recycling trash.

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Young priest’s education

A young priest, straight out of seminary, is hearing confessions.

The first parishioner says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I cheated a man out of $100 this week. Then I went downtown, found a prostitute and got a blow job.” The priest, who had never heard of a blow job hesitates a...

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Sex education

“Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

“One day we should get her for this,” said the first boy.

“I agree. We’ll grab her...” said the second.

“Yeah,” said the third. “And then we’ll kick he...

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A redneck decides to get an education.

He goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" he asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied th...

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I was in sex education class ..

...when the teacher pointed at the diagram and asked, "What is this called?"

I put my hand up and answered, "That's a pussy, Miss Stevens."

She rolled her eyes, and replied, "Give me a medical term, please."

"Oh, sorry," I replied. "That's a pussy, Doctor Stevens."

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The sex education teacher at my local high school got fired.

He was teaching the students about ejaculation and it went right over their heads.

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.


"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.


"Yale," replied the lad.


"And what's your name?" barked the manager.


"Yim Yohnston," he replied...

I question the Education System

I was kicked out of homeschool, just for making out with the teacher.

What is someone who helps women achieve higher education called?

Goinacollegist

A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry.

Turns out he had a compound interest.

There are only 2 things missing in Indian Education System:

(1) Education.
(2) System.

Every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children

how do we sleep at night?

Singapore’s education system be like

Memo to all students : In order to assure the highest levels
of quality work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any...

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Sexual Education

My parents used to tell me I'd go blind if I kept masturbating.
I wish I could see their faces now.

What does an educated owl say?

WHOM

Health Education

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

There are two critical factors in the spread of Coronavirus. 1. How dense is the population. 2. How dense is the population.
...

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A college professor gets offered a chance to teach sex education which is not what he usually teaches.

He’s a little embarrassed to tell his wife what he’s teaching so he tells her he’s teaching a class on sailing. A few months go by and his wife runs into a friend’s daughter who says, “I’m really enjoying your husbands class!”

The professor’s wife says, “Oh?…I’m surprised, he’s only done it o...

Every educated person in the world knows now 5-10 Ukrainian words

But can't use any of them in public.

Education..

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

An African student: What's food?

A European student: What's scarcity?

An American student: What are 'other countries'?

A Chinese student: What's 'my own opinion...

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

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Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and sex education on the same day?

Because the goat gets tired.

When I was a kid I used to admire educated people, but now I realized well mannered people are better than educated ones...

Little did I know you have to lack both to become president of the United States

What do you call an educated vampire?

Dr.Acula

Blonde physical education teacher

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'Are you ok?' she asks....

Where do pirates get their education?

Boarding school

I guess you could say I'm educated

To a degree

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An education is important

But having a big dick is importanter

Which tree has the least amount of education?

A lemon tree

I saw something was both cringy and educational...

It should be on TedTok

All Americans should be educated as to what propaganda is when it’s constantly being thrown at them.

Propaganda is when a British person takes a good look at something.

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While a Teacher was educating her class on how to recognize con artists she noticed one of her students looking down

She pauses her lecture and walks next to the desk of the gloomy child.

"Dear what seems to be the problem?" She asks

The student looks up and says "my mother is in the hospital and my dad is in the police station"

"Oh dear god, you should be at home instead of school! Here I'll ...

"We don't need no education."

Yes, you do. You just used a double negative.

I like my education just like my hot coffee

No ICE.

Therapy for my dad is like education for developing nations

It will solve most of their problems

Where was the declaration of independent education signed?

At the bottom

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

Which is the most educated nut?

mAcademia.

Which is the most educated dinosaur?

The Thesaurus

With all the tax dollars weed sales in Colorado is raising for education...

Those schools are going to be dope.

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I’m a special education teacher. We do a joke of the day. A student made this up and told the class: What did the 2 say to the 4?

You’re a cunt.

Still cracks me up whenever I think about riz

An uneducated father with his educated son

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astrono...

The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.

Educated Sons

1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief

Neighbour: Why can’t you throw the
4th son out of your house?

Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.

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Lil Johnny was is sex education class...

For most classes, he said in back but in sex education class lil Johnny always sat right in front. One particular day the teacher's homework assignment was that each student should go home and think of all of the different positions there are in which people can have sexual intercorse. When they ret...

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Sex education class

Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

Separate but equal is a terrible policy for education..

But perfect for eyebrows!

What do you call a well educated farmer?

A farmacist

Someone asked me about my background and I gave a detailed reply, telling him about my education, career, relatives, hopes and dreams.

Turns out he just wanted to know what was behind me on our Zoom call.

"An education doesn't mean anything!" my wife shouted. "It's just sheets of paper."

"So is a dictionary," I replied, "but that means quite a lot."

A large study shows that educational achievement and earned income strongly correlated with height.

A study carried out among hundreds of elementary school classes showed the tallest person in the room almost always had the highest income and education level.

Teachers from other countries make fun of the US education system

Sure, we don’t teach evolution everywhere, but I don’t see your countries volunteering to demonstrate natural selection in schools across the country.

Husband and wife…………..

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery....

Do you know the difference between education and experience?

Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don’t.

Me and a homeschooler got into an argument about the education system.

He went on a rant about how education in America is broken and asked me, "who's running the education system?"

"Your mom," I replied.

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a well educated penis

is one that rises so the lady can sit down

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I watch porn for educational purposes.

So far it's taught me that I'm ugly and lonely.

I told my son to get an education.

He said, "I won't."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Cause you got one and now you're married with five kids."

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

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Nobody educates the boys about their first boner…

They learn it the hard way.

"Hey, our state was ranked as one of the 'Best States for Education!'"

"Really?"
"Yeah! We made it into the top 50."

A priest who came to a village in Africa which was very ignorant, was trying to educate the natives.

While he preached every morning that people should do good and be kind to each other, he would try to teach English to the head of the tribe in the afternoon. One day the priest took the chief with him and started walking
Meanwhile, he was trying to increase the knowledge of the chief by saying t...

I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.

And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.

Three people die; a doctor, school teacher, and the head of a large insurance company.

When met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the doctor, "what did you do on Earth?"
The doctor replied, "I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free." St. Peter told the Doctor, "You may go in."
St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, "I...

Education nominee Betsy DeVos wins Senate confirmation vote

I kept seeing this in r/news, but I was sure it belonged here......

An English teacher has volunteered to educate prisoners at a local prison.

Teahcer: "can you tell me please, what comes after every sentence?"

One of the prisoners then responds with;
"that's easy. Parole."

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A report has concluded that paedophiles should be re-educated.

What a great idea, let's send paedophiles back to school.

Which educational institute did many Jehovah's Witnesses graduate from?

The School of Hard Knocks.

It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

Dear Board of Education...

So are we.
- Sincerely, the students

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Apparently there's a lack of sex education being taught in school

Which is why I'm glad the Catholic church has taken matters into their own hands.

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How do you door-to-door educate someone on weed paraphernalia?

Bing Bong Bitch

Sending kids back to school at this time will make them over educated but dead inside.

I mean we already have millenials.

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The...

What do you call an alcohol made to support education?

A school shooter.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense..!!

Irish Garda says," License and registration, please."

London...

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