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Dri Jokes

What did the Dried Fish say to the other Dried Fish?

Long time no Sea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man sitting at a bar starts to dry heave (long)

The bar patrons instinctively moved away from him, and sure enough, he vomits all over the bar and himself. The man immediately starts sobbing loudly.

The bartender approaches slowly to address the mess. He says to the man "Hey, man. Don't worry about it. You're not the first guy to throw up ...

Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit.

On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.

I now sell dried fruit for a living

It’s my current job

I've been offered some work with a dried fruit company.

Just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates

I was driving in Michigan and saw a sign at the border in Detroit that said “Canada Dry.”

I really wanted a drink, so I turned around and went home.

Silly Dry Humor.

There were three brothers, Foot, Footfoot and Footfootfoot.

They were living their lives for years but someday Foot became gravely ill and died.After 1 month of mourning Footfoot said to Footfootfoot.

Brother it's been 1 month of mourning and crying over our brother's grave, I can't ta...

Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Draft: Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel.

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

How do you address an audience full of dried seeds?

"Ladies and lentil-men...."

I accidentally sat on a bag of dried fruit the other day

Guess I *have* been on a date this year!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried filming myself eating dried meat with an old cine camera

But it was jerky

A monkey is smoking a joint

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says "Hey, what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint. Come up and join me"

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard ...

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl asks her mother, “Mommy, how was I born?”

Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So w...

Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory?

It was an apricotastrophe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A koala bear is smoking a blunt in a tree

A lizard comes along and says “what are you doing?”. The koala bear says “I’m getting high man”. The lizard responds “what do you mean?”…. Rather than explain it to the lizard the koala bear convinces him to partake of the blunt.

Shortly after partaking, the lizard says to the koala “dude my ...

An Irishman walks into a bar in Toronto

An Irishman walks into a bar in Toronto and orders a drink. The bartender, noticing his accent, asks him "what brings you to Canada?"

The Irishman says, "well, I was in a pub in Dublin and the coaster under my glass said 'Drink Canada Dry', so I thought I'd give it a shot."

Dry humor about water.

So these two guys are in a cabin in the woods by a small pond in Vermont.

One says, "Hey, go fetch some water to drink."

So the other takes a pail and wades out into the pond to get water. He looks up and there is a bear across the pond looking at him and growling!

The guy drops...

I met a girl who didn’t like dried fruit.

Well I certainly couldn’t interest her in a date.

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