UPJOKE
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Cri Jokes

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Why was the baby in Africa crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

Why was the anti-vaxxer’s 3 year old crying?

They were having a mid-life crisis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

What do you say to your sister when shes crying?

Are you having a crisis?

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

Onions was a good dog

"IT'S A BOY!! IT'S A BOY!!" he cried with teary eyes. At that very moment he vowed...

.. to never visit Thailand again!

My vegan girlfriend dumped me. The other day I bit into a vegan sandwich and cried.

Not because I missed her but because it was vegan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there...

it's alt right"

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, “You’re shirtless and also covered in… oil?!” I chuckled proudly, “Well, you’re always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

My kids cried when I told them I had put ginger in the curry.

They loved that cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

Tearjerker.

I saw a kid crying in the corner once. I asked it where are your parents, it cried even more.

Man I love working at an orphanage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife cries after sex.

I don't understand how she can get so upset in such a short time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy takes up a new job.

On Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’

The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ‘He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.’
...

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