Don't Know Jokes - 110 Hilarious Don't Know Jokes

I don't know what HD is,

But my doctor just told me I got 80 of them

85%of people in America don't know basic math.

Thanks God I'm from the other 25%

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter.

The amount of people who don't know the difference between to and too

Is two damn high

I don't know why everyone is saying Cats (the movie) was bad.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

If you don't know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist...

congratulations, you're doing great!

Son: "Dad, what's the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?" Dad: "I don't know."

Son: "So it was you."

when you're dead you don't know it. It's only painful to others.

The same thing is true if you're stupid.

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As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...

But I guess I'll take a shot at it.

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I woke up with someone's ejaculate on my face, but I don't know whose it is

Anyone know a good facial recognition software?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the ...

I don't know why I got fired from the suicide hotline...

I was doing a great job. They never called back for more help.

I can't stand idiots that don't know the difference between to and too.

There so stupid.

Did you know most people don't know the opposite to these words?

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

My buddy just came to me all depressed and said “My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.”

So I said “well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little dumbass will get it."

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My best friend called me and said "An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do!"

I drove all the way to his house just to find out he's just a big fucking lyre.

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...

I guess we just weren't working out.

I don't know why people say that quiting smoking is hard.

I've must have done it a few dozen times by now.

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Don't know why this got removed the first time. I'll try again. When is it OK to have sex with your cousin?

[Twice removed]

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My girlfriend got a boob job, but I don't know how to break it to her that I find it makes her less attractive

Traditionally women tend to get both done

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A son ask his dad "Dad, how can I take the next step with my girl? We kissed and all, but I don't know how to proceed... "

His dad answers "Listen to me son, do what I did with your mother. I treated her to a romantic dinner, took her home and brought her to her room. We're there, I look at her, and she looks at me. I look at her she looks at me, I look at her she looks at me, I move her panties away and put it in! " ...

In case you don't know Yoda's last name

It is LAYHEEHOO

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"You don't know Jack Schitt!"

Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt a...

I don't know why, but the record for oldest person seems to be cursed.

Every time someone gets it, they die shortly afterwards.

I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!" He replied, "Of course! Take the afternoon off." When I returned to work the next day, he came to my desk, smiled and asked, "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?" I shrugged, "I don't know..."

"I'll tell you in nine months!"

I don't know much about psychology or sociology

But I reckon I can explain the Dunning-Kruger effect better than anyone else.

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

I really don't know how I lost my legs

I'm completely stumped

I don't know why my friend was mad when I threw his frisbee...

He even said it was a new record.

My friend told me I don't know what irony is...

Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.

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I don't know why Marvel hasn't tried to put advertisements on the Hulk

He's essentially a giant banner

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I don't know how to tell my friend his cock-shaped clock is tacky.

But when the time comes, I'll be ready.

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I don't know why people think homosexuality is contagious

If it was I'd definitely have caught it by now, after having sex with so many men

Help! I don't know how to tell my girlfriend that she's gotten fat

She now fits perfectly into my wife's clothes.

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I don't know how to tell you this

Doctor: I don't know how to tell you this but you really have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Really doctor, why?

Doctor: So I can examine you.

A friend of mine asked me why Merry and Pippen didn't just walk behind Treebeard through Fangorn Forest? I said "I don't know, why?"

He said " They wouldn't follow Ent trails". I said "That's an offal joke".

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A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which po...

If you don't know what a circle is, I can't explain it to you.

There's no point.

Don't know if this is known but I wanted to share

The wife said: "hey I'm gonna be back in 2 hours max"

Husband: "are you cheating on me?"

Wife: "what?"

Husband: "say what you just said"

Wife: "I'm gonna be back in 2 hours max"

Husband: "Exactly, my name is John"

You don't know what you have until it's gone.

Unless we're talking about my wife's miscarriage.

If you don't know what to talk about on a first date try mentioning Global Warming.

It's a huge icebreaker.

Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try

Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.

"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."

"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."

Johnny then frowned.

"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"

I don't know what "procrastinate" means.

I think I'll look it up later.

Necrophilia is a topic we don't know much about.

So if you've been a victim of it, please speak up.

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My therapist told me that it takes strength to say "I don't know".

My wife didn't think I was very strong when she asked me where our son was in the park...

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My roommates don't know I've been stealing all the soap for lube to masturbate with ...

But eventually I'm going to have to come clean.

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I don't know why more people weren't suspicious of the Nazi Party from the beginning.

They literally had so many red flags.

I don't know if Gabe Newell would be a very good president.

But at least there won't be a world war 3.

I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police

All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"

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People don't know how lucky they have it these days...

When I was younger and wanted to look at sexy pictures, I had to sneak the Sears catalogue into my bedroom to look at the underwear and swimsuit pages.

But nowadays... anyone can hop on any smart device and just go directly to sears dot com

Don't know if this is a scam...

...but, I just received a text saying I'd won £250 cash or VIP tickets to an Elvis tribute night.

It says, "Press1 for the money or 2 for the show !!"

There's an interesting feature on your car that you don't know about...

Just like there are brake lights for the brake pedal, there are also gaslights for the gas pedal. No, I didn't make that up, everyone has them. I swear. Have you ever read the owners manual? Everyone knows about them, I'm surprised that you don't. How do not know about the gaslighting?

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It's not that I don't know how to juggle

I just don't have the balls to do it

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I don't know why y'all think Jesus Christ is coming back.

They didn't nail him to a fucking boomerang.

A lot of people don't know about Rudolph's wife Olive,

but she is mentioned in the song: "Olive, the other reindeer."

I don't know why people are saying the Russian military is weak

They're ranked #2 in Ukraine.

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Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is.”

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, ...

I just don't know how to act my age.

I've never been this old before.

Kids don't know how good they have it

When I hear all the people complaining about the Nanochip that is implanted with the Covid vaccine I think about when I was young and had to swallow a whole floppy disc for the Polio vaccine

There are two letters of the alphabet that I don't know

I don't know u and I don't know y

It's okay if you don't know the word miniscule.

It doesn't mean much, anyway.

I don't know about you guys...

But having typo blood feels like a mistake.

I don't know if liqour is the answer

But it's worth a shot

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I don't know who Lana is...

But I borrowed her thermometer and it tastes like shit.

If you don't know how to pronounce the "g" in "gif"...

it's pronounced just like the "g" in "gigantic"

If you don't know what a prefix is, don't worry....

It's not the end of the word.

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A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex...

Can you explain it to me first?"

"Okay, sweetheart.

Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So, what we do is put the prisoner in the prison."

And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with...

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

I don't know how my wife figured out I was into some kinky stuff...

But she had me pegged from the start.

I don't know why employers don't like neck tattoos

It shows you can sit in one spot for hours while tiny needles are jabbed into your skin, which is what every meeting I've ever been in feels like.

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So this guy - who I don't know - walks into the bar I'm at, sits down next to me, and starts telling me a story about his latest conquest

This guy sits next to me and says - "Hey man - last night I hooked up with this totally hot F'n girl. I was talking to this F'n chick for about half an hour."

He continues - "I asked her from where she was from - and it was my F'n home town. She went to the same F'n high school as me. I neve...

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I don't know why everyone got so upset today when a bird stole my sandwich.

All I said was, "Fuck you, crane!"

I don't know why some people use fractions instead of decimals

It's pointless.

Me: Tell me something that I don't know.

Sister: A few years ago, an adoption agency said that you will be a smart kid.

Me: well, I am smart.

(After a few minutes) me: wait... what?

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

I don't know why men go to bars to meet women...

They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.

Don't know what it is about French ducks...

...but they have a certain je ne sais quack about them.

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"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of...

I still don't know how i feel about abortion

On the one hand, I am in favor, since this is the murder of children.
On the other hand, I am against it, because it gives women the right to choose.

I don't know what to do with all my extra counter space in my bathroom!

Guess I'll go get a girlfriend.

I don't know why most people think a dogs life is so easy.

Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.

I don't know why the burqa gets such a bad rep.

I've never seen a woman wearing one before.

I don't know if this has been posted before or not but it's my favorite joke.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Don't be ashamed of you don't know the definition of the word 'esoteric'

Only a small number of people are likely to understand.

I don't know why people say that pee is stored in the balls.

I mean, there's a vas deferens between the two.

I don't know why people bad mouth lotteries.

I pay taxes and odds of winning the lottery are way better than the odds of getting good government.

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I don't know why people keep asking if one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is gay.

They have a strict "Don't Ask Donatello" policy

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Family is driving... (don't know how old this but I laughed)

A family is driving along the highway when all of a sudden someone throws a dildo out of their window.

The dildo lands with a bang on the families windshield and everyone gets a big fright. With horror in their eyes the parents stare at each other and the father turns on the wipers, but it's...

Did you know that pirates don't know the alphabet?

They get lost at sea.

I don't know how to properly explain what an 'Art Thief' is

but you get the picture

I don't know which is scarier....

A clown who rummages through the garbage cans at 3am or my neighbor who watches me doing it.

I don't know.

So, there are three people living in a forest. There's a smart person, a person with average smarts, and an idiot. The smart person goes out and brings back a bear. The others ask him how he did it. He replies back with, "I find the tracks. I follow the tracks. I kill the bear." The next day, the pe...

I don't know why I love bad puns so much.

It's just how eye roll.

I don't know why we put up those Halloween decorations at work.

We already have a skeleton crew.

I don't know where home is, I have no escape, and I've lost control.

Damn, I've got to replace this keyboard

I don't know why everybody is mad at Cyberpunk2077

The release date has always been in the title....

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I don't know how to feel about elevator jokes

They really push my buttons...

How do surgeons feel when they don't know what kind of amputation to perform?

Stumped

I don't know why people don't like the mummy movies...

I think they get a bad wrap

Girls always say boys don't know what pain is

Of course we know what it is, its French bread!

How does somebody you don't know get into your house?

Intruder window

I don't know how to tell my future child

That zoomers doesn't mean the generation that learned through zoom

I don't know why people doubt the Pfizer vaccine...

...their magic blue pills work!

...so I've heard...

Kids these days don't know what good clean fun is!

Frankly, I don't know what good it is either!

Most people don't know Matt Gatez is actually quite an accomplished pianist.

Most of his pieces are in A minor.

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I said to my wife, "I've been so busy I don't know whether I'm coming or going !"

She said, "By the look on your face you're going.
Because when you're coming, you look like a fucking stroke victim trying to whistle."

Dogs don't know how to operate MRI scanners

But catscan

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Tell me something I don't know.

My wife, Father and mother in-law, and myself are at dinner. The restaurant is packed. I say, "Service sure is slow tonight."

Father In Law, "Tell me something I *don't* know." followed by a smirk. Feigning a smile, I ignore the comment.

A little later into dinner my wife and I are ta...

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