Dimes Jokes - 46 Hilarious Dimes Jokes

If I got a dime every time I didn't understand whats going on,

I'd be like "why are you giving me these dimes?"

I had to leave my cat at the vet for observation after she swallowed a bunch of dimes...

I called to see how she was doing and the vet said there was no change yet..

The value of two dimes has changed

It was a pair-of-dime shift

A man orders a coffee

A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".

The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".

The bartender says "That would be $2.60".

"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he thr...

Why does Santa only carry pennies, dimes and quarters?

Because he is Nicholas.

Who ranks higher than private dimes?

The dollar general

What do you call a kennel made of pennies, dimes, and quarters?

A Nickel-less Cage

Went to a coin factory the other day, they used to have machines that made pennies and dimes,

It all makes cents now

My friend bought a belt with a strap made out of dollar bills and a buckle made out of dimes and nickels.

What a waist of money.

Did you hear that the star of Con Air was arrested and put in a jail cell filled with pennies, dimes, and quarters?

It was a nickel-less cage.

The other day I asked someone what makes pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. They replied "A coin machine".

I said "That makes cents."

A soldier defied a superior officer and was confined to quarters

He had to turn in his pennies, nickels, dimes, and all paper money.

The Captain of the Highland Dragoons goes into the apothecary shop

The Captain of the Highland Dragoons goes into the apothecary shop, marches up to the counter, throws a stretched, worn out condom full of holes on the counter, and demands "How much to have it repaired?"

The apothecary replies "Two shillings."

The Captain responds "How much for a new ...

If I had a dime for every time I didn't think something through...

I'd have...well, I don't know really, I guess a lot of dimes.

Oh hey, just found a dime.

My dad gave me a one dollar bill because I’m his smartest son.

My dad gave me a one dollar bill
because I'm his smartest son,
and I swapped it for two shiny quarters because two is more than one!

And then I took the quarters
and traded them to Lou,
for three dimes -- I guess he don't know that three is more than two!

Just then, along c...

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two guys are out golfing and they realize they have to go to the bathroom

Two guys are out golfing when one of the golfers turns the other one it says "oh man I got to go to the bathroom."

The other one looks at him and says "yeah me too. But you better go first, I'm going to be in there a while."

So the first guy runs across the green goes into the Outhouse...

My Kid Just Swallowed Thirty Cents

Dad shows up in the E.R. with his young son. Dad says to the doctor, "Doc, help! My son just swallowed thirty cents!" The doctor replies, "No problem. We'll get that out in no time." And she picks up the boy by the ankles, shakes him upside down a few times, and out pop a quarter and a nickle. "Prob...

I was a secretary in an office...

And one of my coworkers, Herald, had a beautiful parakeet that he kept on his table in his office cubby. It was named "Dimes" after his love of small shiny objects.

Anyways at the office one day, I get a call from Herald's table and it was the parakeet. He was tired of being the only one in t...

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Three priests we’re traveling to Pittsburgh

The leader says to the first priest, take this money to the counter and get us three tickets to Pittsburgh and get the change in nickels and dimes.

The first priest heads to the counter and sees an absolutely stunning beautiful girl - wearing a tight thin t-shirt that reveals very clearly he...

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Two men are deep in the woods, hunting, when one of them realizes he has to poop.

He turns to the other man, and says "What do I use to wipe myself?" "Use a dollar, then toss it in the bush" the other man replies. So after about twenty minutes, man number one comes back, covered in shit. His hunting partner, filled with surprise and disgust, said "What happened?! I thought I told...

A teacher asks her student a math problem

"Ok, if Bob has three quarters, two dimes, and one nickel, how much does he have?"

The student thought for a moment then said, "Not enough. He's broke."

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of strange dreams.

"I keep dreaming that I'm peeing on nickels, dimes, and quarters," she tells him. He runs some tests and then tells her that everything's fine, that she's just going through her change.

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At work we were all out of toilet paper. A co-worker suggested I use a dollar.I ended up with shit all over my hand and half way up my arm...

Well, you try wiping with three quarters two dimes and a nickel

A little boy swallows a nickel.

His mother panics and starts hitting him hard on the back. Suddenly he coughs up two dimes. She doesn't know what to do so she calls her husband.

"Junior swallowed a nickel, and when I patted him on the back he coughed up two dimes. What do I do?" she cried.

"Keep feeding him nickels!"...

If I had a nickel for each time somebody mixed up a coin...

I would be like, why you giving me all these dimes.

Why did the Penny go to the Nickel for dating advice?

The penny saw the nickel take two dimes to his quarters.

What do you call a bunch of hotties walking down the street?

March of Dimes

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What's the difference between a stingy neighbor and a cheap prostitute?

One nickels and dimes you for screws while the other screws you for nickels and dimes.

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Two hunters are walking through the woods...

Hunter 1- “I need to take a shit, but I don’t have anything to wipe with.”

Hunter 2- “do you have a dollar?”

Hunter 1- “yeah....”

Hunter 2- “just go behind that tree and use the dollar to wipe, I’ll wait.”

Hunter 1 disappears behind a tree for about 15 minutes, and when h...

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Fast Eddie

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you'...
The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!' ...

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My go-to joke, thought I'd share.

A man and his friend are sitting at a bar, talking about embarrassing moments. The man says to his friend:

"Man, I messed up the other week. I was at the train station, trying to buy a ticket, and the ticket booth operator was this gorgeous woman, I'm talking 10/10 here. So I go up to her, an...

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Pittsburgh

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.

Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.

The priests were all embarrassed and in new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get ...

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Three men die and go to hell

Three men die and go to hell. In there, the devil says: "Well, today I'm in a good mood, so let's spice things a little bit. Tell me a riddle I can't answer and you'll go to heaven".

The first guy says "What has four legs but can't walk?" to which the devil answers with "A table, you're not e...

A groom asks the priest how much they owe him for the ceremony

The priest replies that there's no fixed scale, but he can always make a donation based on, for example, the beauty of the bride. The groom looks awkwardly around him and gives the priest a quarter. The priest goes to the bride and lifts up her veil.

After a moment he then goes back to the m...

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor and says, “I’m a little embarrassed, but every time I go to the bathroom, I pee nickels, dimes, and quarters. What is wrong with me?”

The doctor answers her, “There’s nothing wrong with you miss. You’re just going through the change. “

How I traveled around the world without spending a nickel.

I paid in dimes.

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Two guys riding the train together start talking.

GUY 1: Did you ever try and say something but the words come out all wrong.

GUY 2: Nah, not really what are you talking about?

GUY 1: For instance when is was buying tickets for the train the clerk had a fantastic set of knockers. I get up there and I asked for a picket to Titsburg....

A wealthy old man spots an attractive lady at the grocery store and approaches her with an offer.

He says, "Ma'am, you are very beautiful, and I would love to give you $1,000."
The woman, surprised and flattered, says, "That's very kind of you, but what would I have to do?"
The old man says, "Just follow me home, take off all your clothes, pick the money up off the floor, and then you ca...

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An east coast accountant decides to go hunting for the first time out west.

He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure.The "green" Hunter suddenly has to take a shit and says to his guide"Man,I really have to use the restroom.Where is it?"

"Are you serious?Were in the middle of Wyoming and your asking where the restroom i...

A 50 year-old woman visits her doctor

and reveals to her doctor that when she goes to the bathroom, pennies come out of her. The doctor replies, "Don't worry about it for now, but come back next week if it continues." The next week, she is back. "Now I go to the bathroom and out come nickels! What is going on?"

"I'm still not qui...

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Two blondes go camping

After a few hours, 1 blonde says she needs to take a poop, but they forgot to walk with toilet paper. The second blonde says " do you have a dollar? " yes, says the first blonde. Well you can use that to wipe, replied the second blonde.

After a few minutes, the first blonde emerges from th...

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Destination Pittsburgh

Three priests were heading to Pittsburgh. The youngest priest, knowing he was most connected to the secular world, offered to get the tickets.

Upon arriving at the counter, the noticed the cashier was wearing a low low top and a short short skirt. His heart fluttered a moment...

“Yes ...

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Bob and Frank are standing by the water cooler...

(A quick note: my Dad's health has severely declined the past year. Over those months this sub has been my go-to source for something that would bring at least some glimmer of amusement and mirth to what have been some terrible days for him. He died a few days ago and I wanted to say thank you for...

My wife...

My wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

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Two Pickets

Two drunk Steelers fans were left in Cleveland after a game with no ride home. The first drunk decides that they can just hop a Greyhound bus and be home in no time. He stumbles to the ticket counter and the most beautiful, busty woman he's seen all day was working. He politely asks "can I please ha...

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A man has to take a shit..

While driving down an isolated highway with his buddy. They can't find a nearby restroom so he musters up the courage to go do his business outside. But he asks his friend, 'what should I wipe with.' His friend replies, 'Use a dollar? I don't know, man!'

So he goes off to do his thing and lat...

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