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My girlfriend is from India. She likes to tease me by sending a pic of herself clothed, and then one of her nude.

She calls it sari, not sari.

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
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My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.
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What part of a circle can tell the time of the day?

The dia-meter
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How did the Mexican chef become the best cop on the force?

Consistency. He always finished a case a dia.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a bunch of Olympic swimmers have the shits for days?

Dia-Rio.

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