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Dod Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They DoD realized they have too many Generals.

So they offer a retirement package where they have a doctor measure the distance between any two points on their body and they get $10,000 for every inch.

An Air Force General is the first two take the offer and has the doctor measure him from the top of this head to the bottom of this feet. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
“What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”
A sailor said, “I’d step on it.”
A soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”
A...

We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...

Joe Biden was having his first briefing as president with the joint chiefs of staff. The topic was the an impending alien invasion, and more specifically an invasion by the aliens known as “the greys”

CIA director: “Sir, we have reason to believe that the greys are becoming a serious problem.”

Biden: “Really? Come on man. I mean, my wife has said that a couple times but I think they’re OK”

DOD director: “OK? Sir, if we don’t eliminate them all immediately, we may find ourselves in s...

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