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Dey Jokes

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Holly Dey had 2 kids.

Saturday and Sunday.

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2 Italian men

So 2 Italian men walk into a bus after it stops. They sit behind a lady who trys not to listen to their conversation but is curious.
One says "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses dey come together. Den I come again. Two asses they come together againa. Then I come and pee twice. Then I come a...

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A married couple was on holiday in a remote part of the Arab country side. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with an Arabian accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So the couple walked in and the shopkeeper says to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They have special power. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the shopkeeper claimed, but he...

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"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

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Two Russian women are foraging through a previously harvested potato field.

One is lucky to find two large spuds. She holds them up and says,

“Deez potatoes remind me of my husbands testicles”

The other replies,

“Oh my, are dey dat big?”

“NO, dey are dis dirty”

Shaemus

A tour guide in Ireland was giving his tour to a group of tourists. As they traveled down the road, Shaemus pointed to a field of potatoes. "You see dat field o'er there? I planted de first potato in dat field.. but doo dey call me Shaemus de farmer?.. I tink not." The tour continues on for a bit un...

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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The villagers stare at the BMW as they have never seen one before !

The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

"Good morning. Beauty of an automobile you have there” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ‘hello’ and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does...

What sound do Yoda’s sheep make?

Dey go baa!

New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

"Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:"

If they say "How much are the mangoes?" You say "$5 a kilo"

If they ask if they're ripe, you say "Some are, some aren't"

If they say they don't want to buy, you shrug and say "If you don't, someone e...

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Three Mexicans are in a jail cell.

One Mexican says to another "JHey Ese, what you in forrr?"

The guy replies "Dey dink I rrrobbed a place man, But dey got de wrrrong guy! JHow about you?"

"Daamn Ese that sucks! Well I got into a fight in a barrr. So dey thrrew me in jherrre."

"Oh sorrrrrry, Ese." They both look ...

What pronouns does a Chicagoan use to identify as non-binary?

Dey or dem

Shaniqua walks into the welfare office.

With 15 kids.

The government guy asks" What's their names?"

"Well," she replies, "dis here one's Leroy, dat one's Leroy, Dey all name Leroy."

"That must be hard!"

When one of 'em goes in da street, I says, "Leroy - get out da street!"

When dey gotta do dey work....

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Best read in an Irish brogue

I see yer new in th'area, boyz, so ai'll give ya some free advice. Be careful wat yer known far, as da locals can be a bit stickish.

Lookit me 'uouse, wouldja. I built it wit me own two 'ands, drew da plans up, too. But do dey call me "Billy da 'uouse-builder?" Naw.

That bridge, over a...

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The rope

Uno and Marta were driving down da highway one day and dey saw a car parked on the shoulder and it was just a bouncin'.

Marta says, "Hey, Uno...what d'ya tink dey're doin' in dat car?"

Uno says, "Well, dey're ropin', Marta!"

And Marta says, "Oh..."

Well, dey get a couple ...

Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V?

Because Dey-go-bah.

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Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church...

Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.

Vhile dey were taking up the collection, O...

The Neighbour's Rabbit

So I woke up this morning to see my dog laying down in the back, covered in dirt, with a rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit's not bloody eh, just dirty. My neighbor's child has two rabbits, so immediately I knew it was one of his. So I took the rabbit from my dog, ran inside, and washed all the dirt o...

Insuring the Army

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty.

Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the ...

Two Germans are talking about 9/11....

One said : How much terroristen died zat dey? Twelve? The other replied : "Nein, Eleven."

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Cajun cock fight

The Sheriff down in Lafayette called Thibodeaux into his office.
"We have reports of an illegal cock fighting ring here in the Parrish, go down there tonight and see what's going on." Said the Sheriff

So that evening Thibodeaux put on his street clothes and headed out to the location. He w...

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Boudreaux lived down by the river in deep Louisiana.

On the other side of the river lived a guy named Clarence.

Boudreaux hated Clarence and Clarence hated Boudreaux. Every day since they were small children, they'd go down to their river banks and yell at each other across the river. They never really met each other because neither one could s...

Two Irish guys walk into a pet shop

Seamus heads straight over to the back of the shop, knowing what he's looking for, and Finton follows shortly behind.

"Dats dem up der!" Says Seamus, pointing at high up bird cage. "Oi'll tek two a dem budgies up der," He says to the shopkeeper, "an wouldya put em in a pepper bag?"

So...

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