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Das Jokes

Wenn ist das NunstĂźck git und Slotermeyer?

Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
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Don't show Das Kapital to the young 'uns

M for mature

Adult content

R-rated

X-rated
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Speak English, you moron!

An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand.

The farmer says, "Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm geschissen," ('Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs shit in it'). The guy shouts ...

You think das ist a long time?

Obama, Putin and Merkel meet in Hamburg for a private summit, and Merkel decides to break the ice with a nice walk around the lake (Alster).


Obama, admiring the foliage, says "you know, in the States, we have forests so vast, that some military training exercises last as long as 2 years."...
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My das used to work on a calendar factory but they fired him.

He took a day off.
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An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...

...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.

The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees r...
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What did the german man say when he got a phone?

Das Handy
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Typical vaguely racist bar joke [xpost r/forwardsfromgrandma]

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO...

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Paris, 1940: A nazi squad enter into an apartment and begin to search for the hidden family.

The soldiers manage to find the dad, the mom and the son, but the daughter remains unfound.

The nazi officer suddenly hears a cough under the children's bed.

He looks under and find the little girl.

With a smile on his face, he tand his hand to help her come out the bedframe....

dont be sad

dont be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das ist nicht gut.
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Donald Trump calls Angela Merkel

"Angela", he said, "you need to help me! The biggest condom-factory in the US burnt down last night. We really need 1,000,000 condoms! Could you help us?"

"Sure", Angela said, "shouldn't be that much of a problem."

"The condoms must have the national colors of America. Red, blue and wh...
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I accidentally stole Luis Fonsi’s seat

He came up to me and said, “Das my seato”
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A Bengali man had just moved to Germany and was looking to start his own business...

He didn't know what to name it, so he walked around on a street in their business district to get ideas.

The first shop was selling car-parts, it was named "Das Auto."
"Interesting," the Bengali thought, and moved on.

The second shop next to it was selling newspapers: "Das Volk."...
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An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...
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Eleven girls and pregnant again

German lady had eleven children, all daughters, and all had names beginning with B - Barbara, Bertha, Bettina, Babette ... you get the idea.

Came the time to deliver her twelfth, and a couple of days after delivering another daughter, the nurse brings in a form to register the new child.
<...
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German language is easy.

The German language is relatively easy. Those who can speak Latin and are used to declinations, normally learn it very rapidly. At least that is what German teachers say in their first class. They start learning: der, die, das, des, dem, den and the rest just comes naturally. It's amazingly easy! If...

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