A Cunning Wife and a Usual Husband

Wife: Listen, shall we go to the Circus ?



Husband : No......... I'm busy..



Wife : It seems there's a Girl riding on a Lion without clothes !



Husband : You have become very stubborn. In everything you want to be stubborn .....

Okay, let's go.
...

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Little Johnny is a cunning linguist

Teacher says, "Class, today we are going to learn about multisyllabic words. Can someone give me an example of a multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"

Little ...

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Good strippers need either cunning stunts..

Or stunning....

What did the cunning linguist say to the angry german?

Why so sour, Kraut?

What's the difference between the circus and a sorority?

The circus is a cunning array of stunts...

Cunning

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer ar...

Two hunters with a cunning plan

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.

Finally they came up with a cunning plan.

They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of t...

The starship Enterprise is about to face annihilation from a superior ship, but Picard comes up with a cunning plan.

"We'll beam Lieutenant Worf on to their ship to offer our unconditional surrender", says Picard

"But Captain", interrupts Riker, "they might not take us seriously if you send Worf. It might be wise to send Commander Troi".

"Nonsense! Put him in a wooly sweater, a wooly hat and gloves,...

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Tyrion devises a cunning plan to invade Westeros...

... but Daenerys, Grey Worm, Missandei, Varys, Yara and Theon are all hesitant about his risky scheme -- so Tyrion says "What, am I the only one with balls around here?"

What’s the difference between Team Rocket and Reddit?

Team Rocket always has a cunning plan, while Reddit is a punning clan.

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What’s the difference between how daredevils and porn actresses become famous?

Daredevils get famous because of their cunning stunts.

(I thought that one up myself)

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Cunning old bitch

So there was an old lady who entered the First National Bank of Perth one day with a big suit case. She approached the front counter.

"I'd like to speak to the manager please" she asked.

The cashier attempted to help her but she insisted. So the cashier went and got the manager.
...

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Anne Frank showed a cunning and resolve that any Jew would have been proud of.

Two years rent free.

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

What’s the difference between Cirque de Soleil and the Mustang Ranch?

Cirque de Soleil has a cunning array of stunts, while the Mustang Ranch has a stunning array of .....

My father is really fond of dirty jokes. So, one day I said to him, "Dad, you are such a cunning linguist."

To which he replied, "Son, that was such low hanging fruit it was slapping the back of my thighs."

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What's the difference between a little person genius and a venereal disease?

One is a cunning runt and the other is a running cunt.

‌‌I phone‌‌d th‌‌e Chil‌‌d Abus‌‌e Hotline.

A ki‌‌d answered‌‌, calle‌‌d m‌‌e ‌‌a cun‌‌t the‌‌n hun‌‌g up.

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to be read in the voice of george st. pierre (NSFW)

so there is this french canadian guy out in the bar, in alberta, he's having a few drinks he's buying rounds, having a real good time. he meets some girls, starts buying them drinks, and next thing you know he's out on the dance floor, making out and working that french pelvis of his, and with his ...

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A Catholic Irishman is on his deathbed.

He calls for his son, and tells him "My boy, go fetch the Anglican Pastor, I wish to convert before I die". His son is shocked! The father has been one of the most prominent Catholics in the community, he made large donations to the Church every year, attended Mass every day, and was close friends w...

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A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, say...

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

What is the difference between a Policeman's baton and a magician's wand?

One is for cunning stunts and the other is for stunning...........

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Nsfw.The hard of hearing genie.

Three people ran into a genie on their way home.
The genie was holding a sign that read he will grant one wish per person, but the he is hard of hearing so wish carefully.
The first wisher, a young man, yelled his wish.
A twelve inch penis.
What he got was a twelve inch pianist.
The s...

I wasted my life

I fear I've wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me "girls love a cunning linguist".

You may be a master debater...

But I'm a cunning linguist.

A piece of string walks up to the entrance of a night club.

As he approaches the front of the line, the bouncer crosses his path and says to him “sorry mate, are you a piece of string?”

The piece of string says “yes, is that a problem?”

The bouncer replies “yeah, sorry but I can’t let pieces of string in, it’s policy.”

The string walks ...

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What's the difference between the Japanese precision aerobatic team, and the Rockettes?

The Japanese precision aerobatic team are known for their cunning stunts.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

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There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

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A husband and wife are at the table eating dinner.

The husband asks the wife, “Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have any feet?”

The wife, surprised by this weird question replied, “No, obviously not.”

The husband, expecting this answer from his wife cunningly asks, “Then why the fuck do you wear a bra?”

I took a girl home last night after telling her I was good with my mouth...

We stayed up all night chatting, she eventually stormed off and I'm not sure why, maybe she doesn't think I'm the cunning linguist I claimed after all?

What’s the difference between Karen in a marathon and an intellectual dwarf?

One is a cunning runt.

A chimpanzee, a gorilla and a baboon are communicating to each other across their zoo enclosures about which is the greatest primate...

"It's obviously me!" says the chimp. "I am most closely related to humans and can use tools!" "No, it's me!" says the gorilla. "I am the biggest of all primates and strongest!" "No, it's me!" says the baboon. "I am smaller than you apes but am the biggest monkey plus fast and cunning!"

But t...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a womens track team?

The pygmies are a tribe of cunning runts

Why do women date witty writers? NSFW

Because they enjoy cunning linguists.

Why do guys tell jokes when trying to pick up women?

Because ladies love cunning linguists

A married woman is walking through a desert cave one day when she comes across a magical genie lamp

She rubs the lamp, and a genie comes out. "Thank you for getting me out of that cursed lamp! I... I was so crowded in there. Listen, to make it up to you, I'll give you three wishes".

The woman is overjoyed. She jumps up and down excitedly, but then the genie speaks again.

"However, I...

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

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A man finds an odd looking lamp on the ground one day...

The man picks the lamp up and rubs it, and to his surprise, a genie flies out.

"I will grant you one wish, and one wish only"

The man thinks, " What could I ever wish for, I have a great life."

The genie says to the man, " Life might be great now, but the odds may be against you...

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Guinevere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine.

Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down.

One by one, he went to each knight and shook his hea...

3 men were sentenced to death by firing.

The day of the execution came, and the firing squad leads the men to the execution grounds.

 

Now, this firing squad was rather well-known to be the most gullible group around, and it’s due to this knowledge that the first man started to hatch a cunning plan to escape.

...

The ghosts have begun planning for Halloween this year

Beware, they're quite the cunning strategeists

What do you get when Redditors come up with a brilliant idea?

A punning clan with a cunning plan!

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Once upon a time...

...there lived a great ruler in India, Emperor Akbar. This great emperor had the most beautiful wife in all the realms.

At the palace, there lived a certain Ahmed who was a low-ranking official. He took a liking to the queen, and his greatest desire was to kiss the queen's gorgeous breasts....

Eating your family is wrong, but eating your wife isn't.

This sounds wrong, but I'm no cunning linguist.

Why wives always win the argument

A man and his wife had a dispute. As a result of their spat, the woman left the room in a Huff, refusing to speak to the man. After several days, neither had spoken to the other and there was an unspoken understanding between the two of them at this point that whomever spoke out loud first was the l...

A businessman is spending Christmas in a hotel for a meeting.

As it happens, the city he’s visiting is host to the world’s largest chess tournament, and most of the competitors are staying in the same hotel.

The businessman doesn’t really interact with the chess players during his stay, since his meeting is on another floor. But one morning he comes do...

(NSFW) What's the difference between a clever dwarf and a blue waffle?

Well one's a cunning runt...

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A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

What's the difference between a daredevil and a set of showgirls?

Well, one of them as a set of cunning stunts..





(this wasn't my joke, just thought it was funny)

Why should you date a guy who speaks multiple languages?

Because he's a cunning linguist.

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