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Congestion Jokes

Help, I took medicine to clear congestion and I’m still suffering with it.

It’s 6 am and I hate traffic so much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is known that masturbation eases congestion

"I swear officer, I was only trying to help traffic move along!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to a recent medical study, masturbation helps to ease congestion.

The traffic cops on my afternoon commute did not agree, however.

What did the the psychologist say to his patient, who hears voices, about her congestion?

It’s all in your head.

Did you hear about the Mucinex truck that collided with a Nyquil truck on the highway?

Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 8 hours.

A truck loaded with Vicks vaporub overturned on the highway

amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

What did the man who blamed his nasal congestion on the federal reserve do in response?

Sudafed

Pill commercials nowadays be like

“After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!”

“Consult a doctor if you’re experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine”

A man sneezes in a confessional.

Priest: ...

Man: "bless me father for I have sneezed"

Priest: \*trying not to chuckle\*

Man: \*tries to explain he didn't know he was sick\* ... "it has been 6 weeks since my last congestion"

Before I get into Spring Break traffic, I cover my car in Mucinex...

It really thins out the congestion.

Lorry crashes and leaves the road full of boxes.

Don't worry though, it was just boxes of Vicks vapour rub....


There was no congestion at all.

A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

Where is the flu most common?

In cities with high levels of congestion!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Glaswegian joke that can be applied anywhere.

Three pieces of tarmac (asphalt for Americans) are in the pub at the end of the day.
One says, "I'm on the Great Western Road. You wouldn't believe what I have to go through every day! Cars, endless traffic, congestion, it'll make you pure mental!"
The next one says, "You think you're in a bad...

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