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Charlie Sheen Jokes

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do?

Enough to kill two and a half men

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

With all the negativity in the world today...

...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?

Bad blood.

Did you hear about the Charlie Sheen sitcom where he's a merman?

It's called *Tuna Halfmen*

Why do other actors hate working with Charlie Sheen?

Because he is bad with lines!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie Sheen has a kilo of coke and five hookers, he does two eight balls and sends one of the hookers home, what does Charlie Sheen have?

AIDS, Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheel chair?

Roll AIDS

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common?

A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow.

You **sick** bastards.

Have you heard of Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohans new sitcom?

It's called "two and a half grams"

Why did Amber Heard and Charlie Sheen's secret lovechild take his father's name instead of his mother's?

Because children should be sheen and not heard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Charlie Sheen say when he's having sex with a Vietnamese Lady?

Nguyenning!

What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen's winning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when Charlie Sheen's brother has sex with him?

Emilio Incestevez

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard a strong rumour that Clarkson and Charlie Sheen are teaming up on a new show.

It's called Second And a Half Gear, and is about test riding Hookers and drugs and punching the shit out of anyone that gets in their way...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trouble asking a girl out

So there's this kid, let's call him Jerry. He's been eyeing this girl at school for months now, and there's a big dance coming up. He knows she doesn't have a date, and he would give anything to go with her- but there's a problem. Whenever he gets close to her, he gets an erection that would rival t...

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

Breaking news

Charlie Sheen has tested positive for every disease except corona virus

As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse...

You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

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