Can See Jokes - 49 Hilarious Can See Jokes

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future.

Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

I can see six years into the future.

I must have 2020 vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse is sitting in his stable one day when he hears music coming from the farmhouse. He waits patiently for the farmer to go out before making his way across to the farmhouse to see what's going on. As he peers through the window he can see MTV is on the television.

Horse goes into the house and sees a rock band on the screen. He is instantly taken by the guitar and decides there and then he wants to play. He uses the telephone and calls the local music shop. He explains that he has seen the band on TV, that he is a horse and that he wants to play guitar, The m...

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt.

As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger.
The cook proceeded t...

I have a talent where I can see inside wrapped presents

It's a gift.

I can see for Miles!!

Said Miles' guidedog.

I can see why Paul Walker jokes aren't funny anymore.

Poor guy can't catch a "brake".

(P.S. Happy Birthday Paul Walker. I wish u were still here)

A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says, "I believe I can see into the future"

The shrink asks, "When did this start?"

"Next Tuesday"

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

If you can see both hands of the proctologist while he's giving you the exam...

... it makes you wonder 🤔

Fun Fact: If you drink the inside of the magic 8 ball, you can see the future.

My friend did it one and he said "I think I'm gonna die."

10 minutes later he actually did!

While filling my car up, I noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do, but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see two cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it...

Tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying!" type screaming.

I look around and see that this woman's arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air!

The cops jump into action...

If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now

"Everyone in Moscow commits suicide"

They say the James Webb Telescope is so powerful that it can see back in time

But can it see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

I need glasses so I can see my family.

Specifically, 3 glasses of scotch.

I can see why I got fired from working at the cemetery…

I kept making grave mistakes.

I can see myself getting married, buying a house and having kids but

getting a tattoo? That is a real commitment.

Yesterday that guy screamed at me "Stay RIGHT THERE, PUT THOSE HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM! DON't MovE!"

That pizza delivery guy took this distant payment thing very seriously

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Me: I can see into the future

Therapist: When did this start?

Me: Next Monday.

I can see why Americans have reservations of taking in immigrants

Last time a lot of immigrants migrated there, they took over the whole damn place.

Give a man a candle and he can see until that candle burns down...

Set a man on fire and he can see for the rest of his life.

What’s a Russian online portal where you can see what shows aren’t available in your country?

Nietflix.

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What are two things that you can see in the photo op at St John's church?

One is a glorified tool that is no longer relevant, but still widely used by radical christians to persecute homosexuals, degrade women, prohibit freedom, and rationalize war on non-believers.

The other is the bible.

I saw a billboard for virtual doctor's appointments with the caption 'the Dr can see you now' and I thought

What? Did they get glasses?

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

So not trying to brag, but my baby has learned to count to "soup".

I can see that next year is going to be a good year

Because it's going to be 2020

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I used to love masturbating to the fact that I can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.

Then I came to my senses.

I've finally found a job I can see myself in.

I start at the mirror factory tomorrow!

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger.

He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!" The waiter says, “That’s nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.

On a first date, wear a bad outfit so the other person can see your great personality...

...if you have a horrible personality, wear Chanel.

Yo mama so fat, you can see directly behind her

Gravitational lensing

My neighbour is a clown for childrens parties. Evertime I turn my back to get ready for bed, he sneaks into my house in full costume and starts banging my wife. I can see them, in the mirror, going at it while I'm brushing my teeth.

They keep on telling me that I'll look back and laugh at it one day.

She's single... lives right across the street and I can see her place from my kitchen window! I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door!

I opened the door, she looked at me and said: “I just got home, and I have this strong urge to go dancing and drinking, and maybe fool around a little....you know, have some fun. Are you doing anything tonight?" I quickly replied: "Nope, I'm free!" - "Great!" She said. “Can you look after my dog...

I can see why evangelicals have backed Trump even through impeachment.

All three of his marriages have lasted longer then his presidency.

My eye doctor just told me my eyesight is so perfect I can see into next year!

He called it “2020 Vision.”

I can see why mary and joseph couldnt find a hotel to stay at

Usually Christmas gets places really busy

I Can See Clearly Now!

There once was a kid named David and he was dating this gal in his history class named Lorraine. The two dated for a couple months, but as time went on he slowly lost his feelings for Lorraine. David begrudgingly continued the relationship with Lorraine, but he started seeing this girl named Clearly...

Someone dropped their contact lens in the parking lot. I can see why they didn't pick it back up...

But they can't.

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I can see the future....

A man walks into his local pub for a pint after work. After being served his drink, he turns to find a table to sit down and enjoy his pint.
There are two tables free, one near the entrance and another towards the back. He opts for the one near the entrance, sits down, and takes a nice refreshing...

A woman goes to a psychologist, and the doctor can see she is visibly upset.

"Tell me what you're upset about," says the psychologist.

"It's my dreams, Doctor. One night I'll dream I'm a tepee, and then the next night I'll dream I'm a wigwam. The next night I'm a tepee again, and then I'm a wigwam the next! What does it mean?!"

"Don't worry, I know what's wrong...

Doctor: Your X-ray results are now here. As you can see, this is your left leg

Me: wtf put it back

I can see quite a number of these Pi jokes coming from a mile away.

Although I can't seem to catch their ending no matter how I try.

My dogs can see one year into the future...

Because houndsight is 20/20

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This sub is filthy! Only sex jokes as far as the eye can see!

And, just like sex, I don't get any of them.

Say what you will, but today's young professionals are the ones that will eventually find the cure for cancer. I can see the headlines now:

"Millennials Killed Cancer"

I was replacing a light fixture outside our front door when suddenly the electricity shorted through my screwdriver and made me drop it. My wife opened the door and said, "I turned on the light so you can see better while you're working."

I was too shocked to reply.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

her: i like it when guys roll up their sleeves so you can see their forearms

me: [looking down and realizing i only have two arms] fuck

What can see far, but cannot walk far?

The Hobble Telescope.

Big Brother can see every single facet of our lives, we truly have no privacy and no control over own lives.

But can Big Brother see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?

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