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Batterie Jokes

There's a woman in the park sells batteries.

She sells C cells by the seesaw.

During my job interview I was asked: “After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries?”

"Through high voltage nipple clamps” wasn’t the answer they were expecting

I can sympathize with batteries.

I never get included in anything either.

How are LGBTQ folks like batteries?

Usually, they are not included.

How do hearing aid batteries compare to other batteries?

They produce a lower number of whats.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are women's buttholes and 9 volt batteries alike?

You know you shouldn't, but eventually you'll put your tounge on it.

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

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I totally understand how batteries feel...

I'm rarely ever included in things either.

I gave away all my dead batteries today..

free of charge.

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache.

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like using a vibrator with no batteries

Sure it fills you up but with none of the buzz.

The batteries in my flashlight died

I was delighted

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are assholes and 9volt batteries similar?

Even though you know not to, you still put your tongue on them anyways.

People who make counterfeit batteries....

Belong in cells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do 9 volt batteries and butt holes have in common?

You know you shouldn't, but one day you're probably going to try licking one.

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid."

I was falsely accused of throwing batteries at people

All charges were dropped

I’m selling my dead batteries.

They’re free of charge if you’re interested.

What happens if you put the Energizer bunny's batteries backwards?

He keeps on coming, and coming, and coming...

Batteries

This year I'm getting my kids a set of batteries for christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.

I can stop at any time I want.

Why did the robot go to jail?

Cos he was charged with batterie

How many batteries does the Talking Count Von Count toy take?

1 AAA

Batteries have more in common with Jesus than humans do

They don't sin and they come back from the dead

An old couple was sitting in Church...

...and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.

She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”

He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.”

What's a clock when you take the batteries out?

Ticked off.

Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?

They run on 7 C's

Whilst clearing out the shed I found a box full of dead batteries.

I’m giving them away free of charge

Why didn’t the AA batteries work on my flesh light?

Because my flesh light only takes a D.

Modern batteries would not work without ionized lithium.

The ions appear to be pretty volatile, I've heard a lot of electronics factories are afraid of unionisation.

I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday

And now I’m banned from the pet store

A police officer came across a pair of boys eating fireworks and batteries

He decided to charge one and let the other off

Want to hear a joke about dead batteries?

There’s no charge.

Passed an auto parts store today and saw a sign that read, “Dead batteries, $1”

I thought, those should be free of charge.

What type of batteries do vibrators use?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDs

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