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Assisted Living Jokes

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

At a welcome seminar at a senior assisted living facility...

...the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be of limits for all males, and likewise the male dormitory to the females.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time".

He continued "Anybody caught ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old men were talking at an assisted living facility

One man said "You know, I think my wife may be dead!"

The second man asked "Why would you think that?!"

"Well," said the first man "the sex is about the same but the laundry's piling up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] [long] An aging father has decided to go into assisted living

Because he didn't want to burden his son. He had been having trouble around the house and had a few scary falls. His son begged him to stay at his family's house, because he felt that this was the best plan.
"Dad, please! Stay with us! I've heard those places are horrible!" His father says "No wa...

Long- There is this old couple who could no longer care for themselves so they join an assisted living center

At first everything is going fine as they transition to the new lifestyle. When they first had joined the center they were seen as a loving couple as he had his hand on her thigh and she had her hand on his but over time they seemed to drift apart and about a year later he no longer even sat with he...

Grandma's Password

My 100 year old grandma asked me to set up a security camera, so she could see who was stealing her clothes at her assisted living facility, so I brought over a wireless camera and started to install an app on her IPAD for monitoring.

I needed her Apple ID to download the app, so I asked her ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An active and successful widowed man finds himself at the end of his days in an upscale assisted living home.

His consoling and rich friends came to spend the last days with the man. While he was still coherent, they decide to hire him a hooker for a final hurrah.

They make the arrangements and the beautiful bubbly woman arrives at the nursing home for the assist a while later. She tells the man “Yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Respect

So a son with an 90 year old dad needs to take an extended business trip. As his dad can no longer care for himself, he needs to find a spot in some assisted living place.

Unfortunately, all of the Jewish homes are full. Luckily the son finds a Christian organization that takes his dad.
...

This little old lady...

So there's this little old lady who lost her husband. They had been high school sweethearts, married young, and lived together for 70 years until the day he died. She was a housewife her whole life and never even dated anyone else, so she moved into an assisted living facility when her husband passe...

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