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Among Us Jokes

So, I played Among Us with an italian...

He was the impasta

Why is Among Us so popular in China?

Because its the only thing that lets them vote

If you are stupid, stand up!

Teacher: Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up.

After a while, Little Johnny stands up,


Teacher: Ah, so we have one stupid person among us.


Little Johnny: Actually, It broke my heart to see you standing there alone.

There is an owl among us..

Friend: Who?

Me: Exactly, we have to be careful.. wait a second

Mike Pence could never play Among Us

There’s too much sus Pence for him

These bloody "Among Us" jokes have really run their course!

Sorry, I just had to vent.

Ryan Reynolds, Randall Park, Birdy, Daisy Ridley, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Evans, Margot Robbie, Mark Ruffalo, Taylor Swift, and Donald Trump are playing Among Us.

They start by picking a color.

Trump declares he is Orange: “ I will be Orange because that’s my skin color!”

Daisy then adds, “If you wanna ridicule yourself then fine, I’ll pick blue.

Taylor Swift: “Cyan for the sky.”

Mark Ruffalo: “Hulk green, Hulk pick GREEEEEEN!”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there I am, alone with my girlfriend. She leans closer and whispers in my ear. . .

"Tell me something you've never told anyone at all."

After a pause, I whisper back "I think the Owl People are already among us."

"Who?"

"Holy shit!"

I watched a murder mystery movie with my daughter.

She said, "Hey! They just stole this idea from Among Us!"

Why does goku play as light blue in among us?

Because he is a cyan

Bernie Sanders is like...

the guy in Among us who finds the imposter but no one listens to him.

(among us reference) you know what your dad and red had in common.

both of them escaped through the vents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Personalities

1) Polite - farts and says "Pardon!"

2) Cynic - Farts while looking you directly in the eyes

3) Chivalrous - lets the lady fart first

4) Gourmand - Farts for his own pleasure

5) Sentimental - Farts and says "Oh..."

6) Idealist - farts out of conviction

7) C...

I want to play a real life game of Among Us at Home Depot

But I'm busy doing tasks in electrical.

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

chiropractors and police officers

What's the difference between a chiropractor and a police officer? One takes a crack at it and then the customer goes home, and the other takes a crack addict and throws him in jail for a very long time. But it's not all differences though. They both offer temporary relief with not much data to prov...

One day in the Vatican...

One day in the Vatican, the Pope summoned his entire staff for a major announcement. When they were all seated, he looked up solemnly from his desk and told them he had good news and bad news.

“We're ready for some good news,” they said.

“I’ve just received a telegram documenting a mir...

Why do chinese people love playing Among Us ?

Because thats the only place they can vote

Everyone has heard about Among US.

Hopefully there’s gonna be noone among EU.

She told me, "I am LGBTQ"

I asked to go on a date, not the Among Us code.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Lazy Cats

So on one summer day 3 neighborhood cats gather in the alley to determine who's the laziest among them all. This first proudly begins speaking, "Well the other day my old man poured a whole bowl of milk for me. Stuck my face in there and all there was left for me to do is stick my tongue out... But ...

A man goes to confession after a round of golf...

Man: Father, I took the Lord's name in vain while out golfing today.
Priest: That's ok, my son, golf is a frustrating sport, and we all slip up from time to time.
Man: No, no, I would really feel better if I could atone for my sin.
Priest: Well then by all means, tell my what happened.
M...

King Arthur must depart to the battlefield.

He requests that the Knights of the Round Table remained within the castle walls in order to protect its citizens should an attack arise. Skeptical of his Queen's loyalty, and the men's self-control, the King asks Merlin to cast a spell on her.

*Should anyone lie with this woman in bed,
th...

The Nun and her Abbess

A Nun was living in an abbey and had taken a vow of silence. After living there for a year the Abbess calls her to her office and says.

"You have been silent for one year now. I lift your vow so that you may speak one sentence."

the Nun thinks for a moment and says.

"My floor is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Rabbi and the Cardinal

A large number of Jewish immigrants have moved into a pastoral Italian town. The locals, fearful that resources won't be able to accommodate this influx of people, complain to their local cardinal who agrees to settle the matter. He accepts a challenge to a theological debate with the wisest of th...

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