UPJOKE
aircrewaircraftstewardesshostessaviatorflight attendantairlineairlinerairplaneairbusairstripairdashflypilotaerophobia

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pilot left his microphone on.

After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot
' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'.

An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone.

When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.

Air hostess: Sir, would you like some head-phones?

Passenger: Sure. But how did u know that my name was Phones.

10 engineering professors board a plane

Once they are inside and the plane is a about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been made by the students of those teachers. Immediately 9 of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sit, calmly reading a book.

One of...

A blonde woman gets on a plane to Detroit and heads for a seat in first class, despite having an economy ticket...

A short while into the flight an air hostess notices she's in the wrong section of the plane and asks her to return to her allocated seat. The blond simply replied "no". Shocked and confused, the hostess insisted once more that she move, but the blond refused again.



The hostess leave...

Why are air hostesses bad at dating?

Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.

The air hostess has just told me if I don’t put my phone away, she’s going to slam my head into it.

But I’m pretty sure she’s just jokiNjdk$48(‘$76)?;;

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The ...

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A man is jacking off on a plane

There are no other people in his row as the plane is relatively empty. So he's been going at it for a couple of minutes now, but suddenly an air hostess catches him red handed.
"Sir! This is not appropriate behaviour! Please stop this act immediately!"
"No way woman! I'm right about to ejacula...

The search for the Pacific Ocean

9 years ago, a teacher asked a kid if he knew where the pacific ocean was. He replied, "No miss! I'm not aware of the location of the pacific ocean." The teacher furious, asked him to get out and not come back to his class till he knew the location of the pacific ocean.

The boy, distraught, y...

Air Hostess with a tag.

Air Hostess had name tag on her chest, naming her Mia.

Guy: Beautiful name.

Air hostess: Thanks.

Guy: Didn't you name the other one?

An elderly doctor and a Baptist minister were seated next to each other on a plane

The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.

When the charming air hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic ...

Flight 423

This is Captain Max Dominguez speaking, on behalf of my crew and me, I’d like to welcome you on board of the flight EY 423 from the Philippines to Abu Dhabi. "We are in the air 36,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean. If you you look outside a window, you will see that the wing has fallen off and the en...

‪I once ate a Danish pastry.

She’s an air hostess..‬

Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

Except for that one guy.

An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for and emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the air hostess if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All ready back here, Captain," came...

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A plane made an emergency landing on water...

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The Air Hostess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused; so she asked the captain to help. The captain being knowledgeable and experienced, guided her:
1. Tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
2. Tell the Br...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Big Shit

On a BA flight from Delhi to London, the pilot comes over the public address system, and tells passengers at what altitude they will be flying, the expected arrival time, a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, the pilot...

Two friends: a christian arab, and his indian friend were on a plane

Suddenly there was a turbulance and the captain announces “ this is the captain, I am sorry to inform you that we have technical problems with one engine and we need to loose some weight “ the passengers were upset when he continued “ we’ll be fair with everyone: Africans and asians we need you to ...

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The confession.

A guy goes in a confessional and tells the priest that last night he meet 4 swedish air hostesses down the pub, went back to their place, snorted coke, drank 20 year old scotch and had sex all night until the sun came up.


The priest says, "that's terrible my son, what kind of a catholic a...

What’s the funniest joke you’ve read on Reddit.

I'll go first:
Once on a plane full of Redditors, one guy suddenly starts choking and the air hostess asks if there was a doctor on-board.

Immediately, three people stand up and go, "I'm not a doctor but ..."

A flight from Dublin to Boston

Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said t...

The excited blonde .

A blonde went to Brisbane for first time.. She was very excited and as soon as the plane landed in brisbane, she began shouting ''Brisbane Brisbane''

The air hostess being annoyed said '' Please mam , Be silent''

The blonde then shouted ''Risane Risane''

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