Just the head

A family living in an old village have a son that is a bit slow. He failed high school three times. The husband says to his wife: "if Ahmed passes this time, we are sacrificing a sheep and giving it's head to the Imam".
The woman doesn't think anything of it, he did pass the past three times, why...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

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Little Ahmed comes home from school.

His mother asks him:

"So what did you do in school today?"

"We were experimenting with explosives in chemistry class." replies Ahmed.

"What are you going to do in school tomorrow?"

"What school?"

An Afghan villager is walking down a road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.

He meets his fellow villager going the opposite way.

He says, "Ahmed, Prophet Muhammad would never let his wife walk ahead of him."

The first villager replies, "Well, at the time of the Prophet there were no minefields."

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

In school

Teacher: What's 5x2?

Little Ahmed: 10.

Teacher: Very good. And what is 5x3?

Little Ahmed: 9

Teacher: No, try again.

Little Ahmed: 8

Teacher: RUN!

Why did Ahmed Mohamed get delayed at the airport?

he was on a watch list...

Sheikh on the top of a building

A Sheikh was walking on the terrace of a building, when he heard the door behind him open. A sad voice followed,

"Sheikh Ahmed, I am sorry for breaking this to you. Your only daughter ran away with the son of a grocery store owner. I hear she was pregnant. Your wife had a heart attack and is ...

Why is Ahmed Mohammed not allowed on Reddit?

His inbox would probably blow up.

What is Ahmed Mohamed's favorite band?

Dethklok

Bob and Steve, happened to be lost in Arabian desert.

Bob and Steve, happened to be lost in Arabian desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque.

Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohammad, and you say that your name is Ahmed, this way we'll get some food! Deal?"

Steve s...

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
...

Teacher: alright time for attendance. Is X Æ A-12 here?

**X Æ A-12:** present

**Teacher:** okay and how about... umm... achhh-med???

**Ahmed:** -__-

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years...

...He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would ...

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Registration on the first day back at school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here"

Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here"

Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here"

Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here"

Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer

Ali Sun Al En?

Little girl...

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

Mattress and Panties

Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.

He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he decided to write a letter to his wife:

"Dear Wife, ...

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

What do you call a Middle Eastern carpenter?

Ahmed Ashed

3 Women sitting in a café.

Three women, a german, a french and a turkish one are sitting in a café, talking about how they educate their men. So the german one starts: "I say to my Hans, Hans Im no longer doing the dishes. The first day I dont see anything, the second day neither. On the third day, look, he is doing the dishe...

A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"

"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.

"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"

"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher s...

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Once upon a time...

...there lived a great ruler in India, Emperor Akbar. This great emperor had the most beautiful wife in all the realms.

At the palace, there lived a certain Ahmed who was a low-ranking official. He took a liking to the queen, and his greatest desire was to kiss the queen's gorgeous breasts....

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Make love with Ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
.
To get a feel for his audience, the lecturer asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
.
About 90 students raised their hands.
.
"Well, that's a good start.
.
Out of tho...

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Two Iraqi Fathers...

...are standing in line for bread, and strike up a conversation. They begin to talk about their families. The first father pulls out his wallet and shows a picture of his first son. With great pride he says "Here is my Ahmed. He is martyr!" The second father pulls out his wallet and says with great ...

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top jokes

Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!”
Reporter: “Name?”
Man: “Ahmed Al-Bakir.”
Reporter: “Sex?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Reporter: “Holy cow!”
Man: “Yes, cow, s...

Kids Today

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.'
<...

Two Christians Were walking in the desert....

They began to feel very hungry and thirsty. Then they saw a nearby mosque. Their names were Chris and Michael and Chris suggested to change names to Muslim names so they would give them food. Chris changed his to Ahmed but Michael refused and didn't change it. They approached the Sheikh of the mosqu...

Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...

Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.

"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. W...

Spelling Bee

It's cup final day and three boys in the class want to go home early to watch the match.

The teacher decides to hold a spelling bee and allow the boys who spell their words correctly to leave school for the day to see their team.

Tommy, spell dog for me please.

Easy sir, D-O-G.<...

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A profilactic check-up with the dermatologist at a coal mine.

In comes a miner, the doctor tells him to undress and peel back the skin of his penis.

"What's that bubblegum doing there", asked the doctor.

"Well, the mines are all sooty and dusty and that's the only clean place down there."

"What's with the second piece of bubble gum next to...

Three ISIS mothers having tea.....

The first says: "My son Ahmed used to play here with the neighbor dog...

The next says: "My boy Abdul did too...I miss him.

The third says. "These kids just blow up way too fast"

Three Muslim women are sitting talking...

The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a suicide bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The fi...

Let's pretend we're Muslims

Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert, dying of thirst and hunger when they saw a mosque up front.

David said: “Michael, let’s pretend we are Muslims. Otherwise, we will not get any food or water and we will die. My name will be Ahmed. What will be yo...

ISIS math problem

Ahmed has 5 bags. If he gives 2 to Mohamed and 1 to Jamal. Then calculate the radius of the blast.

Spelling practice

It is spelling lesson. The teacher asks the kids to spell different words.
-Emma, can you spell 'dog'?
-D O G
-Correct! Jake, can you spell 'cat'?
-C A T
-Correct! Now, Ahmed, can you spell 'racial discrimination'?

A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...

Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.

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