Today I saw the hottest girl alive!

She had a running fever of 42 C (\~108 F) and still breathing. Tough chick to fry.

Male Logic...

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ...

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A couple goes to a sex therapist..

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks i...

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Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

A 108 year old man was interviewed for the first time today.

The reporter asked him what was his secret to such longevity, and he answered with a simple, "I never argue." "It cannot be as simple as that" replied the reporter. To which retorted the Elder, "You know, you must be right."

What has 108 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk?

My Zipper.

Chocolate is bad

Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!

Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.

Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?

Guy: No, minding his own business.

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

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A farmer is tired of milking his cows,

So one day, when he sees an advertisement for an automatic cow milker, he immediately orders it.

Two weeks later, when his wife is out buying groceries, the package arrives. The farmer, feeling very horny, opens it up, immediately sticks his dick into it, and turns it on.

The orgasm he...

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

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A teetotaling woman walks into a bar dead set on getting people to stop drinking. She sits next to an older gentleman drinking a beer.

The woman asks, "Excuse me, how many beers do you drink per day?"

"Usually about three."

"And how much do you pay for a beer?"

"Including tip? About $5 per beer."

"How long have you been drinking beer?"

"Oh, about twenty years, I guess."

"So, at three beers ...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”



The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose for sure.”...

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Sitting on a park bench

One day a kid was sitting on a park bench eating one candy bar after another.

An older man walks up and notices the young boy and says, "you shouldn't be eating all those candy bars, they aren't good for you."

The young boy looks at the man and replies, "did you know my grandad lived ...

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Toothbrush (Long)

3 men apply for a sales job at toothbrush company. The first day the manger send them out for their first try at selling toothbrushes.
At the end of the day they come back and report in:
Manager, “how many did you sell?
First guy, “I sold 42.”
Manager, “Not bad”
Second guy, “I sold 86...

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A blonde's year in review.

**January**

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

**February**

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

**March**

Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 m...

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg t...

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The Man who Chose Heaven Instead of Hell

Evan O'Reilly was known throughout America as a truly exceptional man. As the curer of several diseases, the discoverer of many life supporting planets, and the inventor of many new robotics, he was given an option as he neared his death. He was visited by the Angel of Death when he was 108 (his new...

I'm glad the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series.

108 years of hibernation just doesn't seem healthy.

Golf and vino

70 year old Luigi goes to his doctor for an annual check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape Luigi is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

‘I'm Italian and a golfer’ says Luigi, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out go...

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