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Your Shoe Jokes

What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe?

Finding a shoe in your hole.

Why is it a bad idea to dip your shoes in LSD?

You might trip

True Story that is also a joke. (It really is true.)

I was doing tourist stuff in New Orleans one summer and had gone down to the waterfront. I was sitting on a bench looking out at the water when a guy came up to me and offered me a bet. He said, "I bet you $5 I can tell you where you got your shoes."

I was from several states away so I figure...

I just tied your shoes together!!!

.....................KNOT.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Hey Watson, is that mud on your shoes?”

No. Shit, Sherlock.

Whats the advantage of marrying your shoe?

You're bound to find some solace

I bet you a month of Reddit gold that I can guess where you got your shoes, how many kids your father had, and what state you were born in.

You got your shoes on your feet.

You father didn't have kids your mother did.

And you were born in the state of infancy.

--------

Credits to a homeless dude sharing this with me.

Where do you send your shoes when they need to be repaired?

To church because they can save your souls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(mildly NSFW) What is the difference between masturbation and shining your shoes?

When you shine your shoes you get them off -before- you rub them vigorously.

Is there a hole in your shoe?

No?! Then how'd you get your foot in it?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't take your shoes out of the closet

that's gay

Male birth control can be accomplished by putting a common aspirin in your shoe.

It makes you limp.







edit; forgot an "s".

I bet i can tell you where you got your shoes.

You got'em on your feet.

Why do immigrant parents have you take off your shoes before entering their house?

So they have something to beat you with.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

How do you always keep your shoes tied?

Replace the laces with earphones.

Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your shoes on the mat as you came in?

New Employee: Yes sir.



Boss: We are also very keen on truthfulness. There's no mat.

I asked the blonde lady, "Why do you have TGIF written on your shoes?"

She replied, "Toes Go In First"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cat that urinates in your shoes?

Piss in boots

Credit: My flatmate

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.  


Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. 


She was hungry, so I brought her home ...

There's a new men's birth control pill that's about the size of a marble. Don't get discouraged though, you don't have to swallow it or anything, you just put it into your shoe…

And it makes you limp…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr Wright (Slightly NSFW)

Read this a while ago, still probably my favourite joke, and felt I should share it for those who haven't seen it before.
A lawyer gets home after a long trial in which it was decided his client-Mr Wright-would be hanged later that night. He is greeted at the door by his wife.
"You're home lat...

A guy is in an accident and wakes up in hospital after being operated on

The doctor says "well sir, I have some bad news and some good news.
The bad news is that we had to amputate both of your legs.

But the good news is that the guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes"

How can you tell an engineer is extroverted?

When speaking to them they look at your shoes.

I visited my local mosque today.

Imagine my disappointment when I found out the reason why you take your shoes off is not because there is a bouncy castle inside.

My body is a temple

If you take your shoes off, you can come inside

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

How can u tell a computer scientist is an introvert or an extrovert?

The extrovert looks at your shoes while having conversation while the introvert looks at his own shoe.

The Man Who Knows Where Everyone Is From

There were a bunch of tough dudes hanging out in a bar. One of them started bragging that he could tell where anyone was from just by looking at them.

One burly dude stepped up and asked “Where am I from, then?” The guy looked at the burly dude and concluded he was from California. He was ri...

A girl has to get her picture taken for school.

She has her mom buy her some new clothes so she'll look nice. At one point she asks for new shoes. Her mom says "nobody will be able to see your shoes in the picture". The girl points at the notice and says "it says RIGHT HERE that they will be photographing the entire student body!"

Homeless guy is walking in one shoe

Somebody asks him:

-Oh, have you lost your shoe?

-Nope, I've found one!

An aide slides up to Trump and whispers in his ear discreetly

"Mr.President, one of your shoes is black, and the other is brown!"

Trump said

, "Yes, I noticed it myself. I went to change but when I looked in the closet, the only other pair I had was also one black and one brown"

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 'down and out' sees a sign in the window of a well known Jazz Bar saying 'pianist wanted'

So he decides to go inside and enquire. The owner takes one look and is immediately put off by the man's dishevelled appearance as his bar is pretty high brow. The man says 'please, give me a chance, before my life took a turn for the worst I was a pretty successful Jazz pianist'.

'Okay' says...

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

Whats the difference between an Introverted Engineer and an Extroverted Engineer?

Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you.

Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.

How can you tell whether a mathematician is introverted or extroverted?

The introverted mathematician will look at his shoes while telling you something.

The extroverted will look at your shoes.

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