UPJOKE
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Worshipping Jokes

Some bugs are worshipping a false prophet

Imma scare the bee jesus out of them

My Devil worshipping brother just got a new row boat...

He christened it Sail Hatin'

Do you know the story behind Indians worshipping cows ?

Me neither but I've heard it's an udderly fantastic tale !

I've uploaded all my Satan-worshipping sessions to youtube

You can guess they've all been demonetized.

Hear about the Cadillac-worshipping Satanist?

He sold his soul to the Deville.

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

I have this friend who went to Yale.

I have this friend who went to Yale. Maybe you've met him? Really bushy beard, went back to school get a doctorate in sculpture? Anyway. He just gave me his entire collection of carved blackbirds. I was stunned because not only are these some of the most well-crafted sculptures I've ever seen, but h...

Aliens visit, and their first question is: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"

Aliens: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"

Humans: "well, we were worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking weed... and then we made it to developing technology that can destroy this entire planet, and pretty soon we'll have unlimited energy from that tech."

Aliens: "Impressiv...

The reason Jesus hasn’t returned yet

Is because his people are actually worshipping the instrument of his death.

How does Gordon Ramsay know that his steak is undercooked?

The Hindus are still worshipping it.

A jewish grandmother

A jewish grandmother is at the beach with her 10 years old jewish grandson. She's chilling while he's playing in the water.

Suddenly, a huge wave comes and takes the kid away with it. The grandmother is obviously in tears and starts speaking to God.

"It's been more than 70 years since ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Long/Sexist (On mobile and I can’t find the flair) A priest and a woman are walking up the Gates of Heaven when they’re greeted by St. Peter

St. Peter tells them “Sorry, we’re packed today, we can only allow in whichever one of you supported God the most.

So he looks about both of their informations for each of their lives, and he decides to pick the woman.

Of course, the Priest was astonished. He had spent his entire lif...

God please

A very pious man is stuck in quicksand. He's in up to his belly when 2 firemen come by, he says : " only God can save me, leave me alone!". The 2 firemen insist but the religious man won't change his mind, "only God can help me" he repeats. The firemen finally leave him but after some time they feel...

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