A woman noticed her husband standing on the weighing scale sucking his stomach

“Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

My wife was hinting at what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds."

I got her a weighing scale.

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she lo...

I told my wife I'd buy her something that goes fro 0 - 200 in 4 seconds...

... I bought her a weighing scale... She wasn't too excited!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man born and raised in the province decided to move to the city to find a decent job.

He woke up early that morning to catch the bus to the city and peacefully slept through the five-hour ride.

By the time he woke up the bus was already approaching his stop so he gathered his things and prepared to leave. He had only taken a few steps away from the bus however when he felt a s...

Rating your girlfriend

A bartender notices one of his regulars looking dejected.

" Hey John, what happened to you?"

" My girlfriend broke up with me. "

Interested, the bartender leans forward and asks why.

" Well. This morning I told her she was a 60."

" Well that's kinda understan...

A husband forgot his wife's anniversary...

So a husband forgot that today was his anniversary, and naturally, his wife was upset and mad at him. The wife then gave him an ultimatum. "If I dont see something chrome plated that can go 0-100 in less than 5 seconds in the garage by tomorrow morning, the neighbors will see you walking away from t...

Happy wife, happy life

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'


*********

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about ...

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