What did the weighing scale say when someone broke its limit
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A woman noticed her husband standing on the weighing scale sucking his stomach
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife was hinting at what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds."
I got her a weighing scale.
I think I cracked the overweight problem
# I think I cracked the overweight problem
Last week I weighed 150 pounds, I felt so miserable and was loosing all hope for my future. I couldn't think of a way to get over the shame. Then it struck me and I figured out the ultimate way to get it over with. I immediately did what I had to do,...
I told my wife I'd buy her something that goes fro 0 - 200 in 4 seconds...
... I bought her a weighing scale... She wasn't too excited!?
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she lo...
A husband forgot his wife's anniversary...
So a husband forgot that today was his anniversary, and naturally, his wife was upset and mad at him. The wife then gave him an ultimatum. "If I dont see something chrome plated that can go 0-100 in less than 5 seconds in the garage by tomorrow morning, the neighbors will see you walking away from t...
Rating your girlfriend
A bartender notices one of his regulars looking dejected.
" Hey John, what happened to you?"
" My girlfriend broke up with me. "
Interested, the bartender leans forward and asks why.
" Well. This morning I told her she was a 60."
" Well that's kinda understan...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man born and raised in the province decided to move to the city to find a decent job.
He woke up early that morning to catch the bus to the city and peacefully slept through the five-hour ride.
By the time he woke up the bus was already approaching his stop so he gathered his things and prepared to leave. He had only taken a few steps away from the bus however when he felt a s...
Happy wife, happy life
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about ...
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