This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor for help. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 1...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Visit to the Hospital (can be told long or short)

A religious man walks into a hospital hoping to do a good deed by visiting the sick. The man has passed the nurse at the front desk and is looking around to find a sick person to cheer up. He looks all over the hospital but he just cant seem to find any sick person that isn't being visited! Finally ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three criminals meet in a restaurant...

Three career criminals, each of them burglars, were meeting in a restaurant to discuss recent developments in their work.

The first thief shook his head a little bit, giving his water glass a forlorn frown. "The market for gems has dried up. What little I manage to get my hands on is hard to ...

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