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Washing Dishes Jokes

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Washing Dishes In The Countryside

Jim visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, Jim's grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Jim noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandpa replied, "They're as clean as cold wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife, "no man should spend more time washing dishes than he does having sex!"

Our new dishwashing service is great.

An American, a French and a Russian are chatting in a restaurant.

The American woman says:
- I once told my husband that I was not his housewife and that I would not do laundry for him all the time. He left the house. I don't see a him for day, for two, for three, on the forth day he came back with a washing machine.
The Frenchwoman says:
- And I once...

I walked into a bar once...

I went into a bar once and ordered a drink from the bartender. He puts down the drink and a side of peanuts. I take a sip of the drink and I hear faintly, "Man, you have great hair!" I was a little freaked out by it, because there isn't anyone in the bar besides me and the bartender, but the bartend...

I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now.

He replied that he was currently working on:

\*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment\*

I was impressed......

On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Dr. Jones, I'm writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years

He makes love to me regardless of what I am doing, whether ironing, washing dishes, sweeping, even sending e-mails, etc.

I would like to know if there is anything that ucnn hlp m wth nd f unothel gothsl ehj fpslth fjsl;s;;o{O} .lp sld mpskdli dlks; a;ld ;;'

Ccinsely ous,,, mdyl

A mother and son were washing dishes while...

...the father and daughter were watching TV in the family room.

Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.

The girl looked at her dad and said, "It was Mom."

"How do you know?"

"She didn't say anything."

My wife gave me a choice...

... watching Titanic with her or washing dishes, cleaning carpets, and cleaning bathroom.

Quick question: which bleach would you recommend?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called my friend yesterday

I called my friend yesterday night at 10.30 pm on phone, he said he was very busy, working on a special Project "Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium and Steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed.

Later I realized - fucker is washing dishes , under the supervisi...

What is an engineer's first job out of highschool?

Aquathermic treatment of ceramics aluminum and steel in a controlled environment.

Or to put it in lamer's terms: washing dishes while his boss is watching.

Why do you want divorce?

*Judge :* Why do you want divorce?

*Petitioner:* My wife asks me to peel off Garlic, cut Onions, wash dishes

*Judge:* What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them t...

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Johnny is playing with his train set...

while his mother is in the kitchen washing dishes. Suddenly she hears him saying to the imaginary passengers " if any of you fuckers want to eat, the fucking dining car is open".

Shocked, she runs at him and tells him he had better watch his mouth or she'll wash it out with soap.

...

Gorilla Removal

One morning a woman is washing dishes and looking out her kitchen window when she notices a gorilla in a tree in her back yard. Not knowing what to do she looked in the yellow pages under "gorilla removal" and found a number.
About a half hour later a man in a pick up truck with a ladder, shot...

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NSFW Buggy Ride.

An Amish Mother and Daughter are riding in the buggy home from the market one crisp Autumn day when the Daughter says her hands are cold as she has forgotten her mittens, the Mother being wise tells her to place them between her thighs and it will warm them up.The next day a male suitor comes callin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is out flying his plane in the yard...

and he lands it and exclaims in his pilot voice, "All you fucking people that want to get off, get off. All you fucking people that want to get on, get on.
The plane then takes off again, and is making some laps around the yard. Little Johnny then lands the plane next to the kitchen window, which...

The onion joke.

There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening. Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs...

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