Verizon Jokes - 20 Hilarious Verizon Jokes

Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.

10 gigs for $80 a month

What does Verizon have in common with my teenage daughter?

I go from not hearing from them at all to 5 times a day when they want money.

Today I learned what the CIA is replacing water boarding with.

Verizon Wireless customer service.

Verizon made a new minimum security prison and despite what many would believe its very successful.

its got no bars but you still cant get out of it for 2 years

I rang up Verizon. I said : "I want to report a nuisance caller".

"Not you again" he said

I got a hysterectomy at Verizon

Cervix may not be available in your area.

What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?

Verizon Wireless.

Verizon claims they wants to make sure first responders can get the call to help people.

That is, if they pay enough.

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

What does Verizon wireless and abortion clinics have in common?

They both have early termination fees

I switched…

I switched from Cox because they charged to much then I thought to myself another large bill is just on the Verizon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't worry, anyone who doesn't take action in protecting net neutrality will get FREE sex when this blows over!

Specifically, you'll get fucked by Comcast and Verizon.

What do you call it when you hold your phone perfectly up to the edge of the ocean?

A Verizon

Did you hear about the man who wanted to explore a new family phone plan?

He was expanding his Verizon’s.

Why did Ajit Pai cross the road?

Because Verizon payroll services was on the opposite side.

Ajit Pai made inquiries about how a government shutdown could affect him

but Verizon assures him he'll still get paid

I'm not worried about a future where my kids are addicted to EA's micro transactions

Because there's no way I'll be paying for Verizon's internet gaming add on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men walk into a bar.

The first man looks like he hasn't had any sleep in days. His clothes are ragged and torn, and his face is clammy and unshaven. He sits down on the stool and slumps over in a groggy state.

The second man is in a similar state, but is wearing a suit. His tie is strewn over his shoulders, and h...

I've been playing this new game on my phone quite a bit lately

It's called Verizon: Zero Bars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priest and the rabbi

Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy Tablet

PRIEST AND RABBI

Priest and a Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turne...

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