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Vari Jokes

Germany has varied climate

Winter is cold, Spring is sunny, Summer is hot,
And the Fall is full of soviets

Did you know that the consistency of a woman's menstrual fluid is varies greatly based on her diet?

It's a viscous cycle.

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A Kindergarten teacher brings her class varies samples of meat...

She passes the first sample out, the students eat it, and asks, "Does anyone know what that was?"
She chooses a student and he says that it's steak.
"Good!" She passes out the second sample and asks if they know what it was.
A student yells, "It's chicken!" "Good, very good."
Sh...

Today I found out that you can hear the blood flowing through your veins.

You just have to listen varicosely.

If the mantises are always praying, what is their religion?

It varies, they're all in sects.

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A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the Varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.

"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave,
He continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him ?" pointing to a second, older man,
"Three women, three feathers."


The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many fe...

What's the difference between a bipolar conductor and a violinist who has been told not to stand out?

One varies their bravado, the other buries their vibrato

A man from Baden, an Alsatian and a Swiss are talking about where the little children come from.

The Alsatian says: "The stork brings them here. There is a stork's nest on almost every house roof. The man from Baden thinks again. "Here they do it in the hospital". The Swiss is a little embarrassed. "I don't know exactly, but it definitely varies from canton to canton".

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The Nigerian king

Agnes, a middle-aged New York widow is feeling very lonely one day, so she decides to bite the bullet and try internet dating. Her initial attempts don't go very well, as most of the contact she receives varies from dick pics to guys asking for nudes. She's about to give up when one day she's contac...

Do you know what cannibal tribes have said about the taste of human flesh?

It’s an acquired taste that varies person to person.

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Why are female orgasms so much different from men's?

Because their O varies.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowoman?

Sno'varies.

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

What are the spiders like in Game of Thrones?

Varies.

I've heard mixed reviews about cannibalism...

It varies from person to person.

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A psychology teacher is giving a lecture at a college about how sexual frequency is over rated...

The teacher goes on to exclaim the frequency of couples have sexual relations varies from person to person. He decides to take a short poll to prove his point. He asks, "How many of you have relations each day?" One-quarter of the students raise their hand. Okay, "Now how many of you have relations ...

A chemist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe, looking out of the window.

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant.

This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions.

She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”

The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to desc...

1/10 would not visit here again

Went to a restaurant downtown the other day. I ask the waiter for food, he said food only comes in sets of 10 dishes each. There are three main chefs there and the restaurant is peculiar because they all want to cook only their own set. So I decide to go to the restaurant once for each chef.

...

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A daughter takes her old father to a retirement home

A daughter takes her old father in a wheelchair to a retirement home for the first time. The nurse, expecting their arrival, greets them with, "Welcome to the Johnson family retirement home! We think you'll feel quite at home here! Please follow me and I'll show you around." The nurse pushes the...

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Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo

The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice... "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Ama...

A new doctor at a mental asylum decided to conduct a test

The objective of this test is to determine if those patients are truly mentally ill or not.

He handled patients in groups of three. He puts them in a room and draws a door on a board infront of them. Then he tells them that there is feast behind the door so he can see their reactions.

...

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Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist....

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist who was, in 1792, considered one of the country’s chief ornithologists. Credited with discovering and describing over 200 different bird species, he spent most of his life hopping from island to island, describing the wildlife, and moving to...

After completing filming of License to Kill, Timothy Dalton was dismayed when producers told him they wanted him to retire from the James Bond franchise.

He pleaded with producers to give him just one more film but they already had his replacement lined up, a younger actor they felt was more suitable for the leading role in an action movie. But Dalton wouldn't quit that easily. He convinced the producers that if he could best his would-be replacement...

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New metals are added to chemistry

A new metal is added to chemistry:

• NAME

- Husband

• SYMBOL:

- Hb

• ATOMIC WEIGHT:

1. Light when found first
2. Tends to get heavier over the years with time

• PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Boils at any time with inlaws
2. Can...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for...

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

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