Tri Jokes - 70 Hilarious Tri Jokes

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I tried to translate joke from Arabic

Three women setting together talking about a new ways to initiate sex with thier husbands,
One of them says "I have a good way, when ever I want to have sex with John I touch his dick and say your dick is very cold, do you need warming it a bit?, And that's it"

next day they the second wo...

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Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

I tried dating a cougar once.

Turned out she was a cheetah.

I tried donating blood today. Never again!!

Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?? Why is it in a bucket???

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Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I refused.

If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...

It went in one ear and out the other.

My 12 year old son tried coffee for the first time today

"It tastes like dirt!"

I told him it was just ground this morning.

A woman tries getting on a bus but realises her skirt is too tight.

As the bus stopped & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this...

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What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage?

Tri-weekyl

Try Weekly

and

Try Weakly

Pearl Jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen.

Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.

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A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.

Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776

\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of a Ford F-150.

He’s ….a pickup artist.

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The three life stages of sex

Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly

Age 35-60: Try Weekly

Age 60-90: Try Weakly

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Life cycle of the male sex drive

Age 16-32 : Tri-weekly

Ages 32-55: Try-weekly

Over 55: Try-weakly

I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back

Nobody laughed at first, but eventually everyone got it.

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

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I identify as a tri-sexual...

I try to have sex, but I fail.

Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork…

Think I nailed it!

A blonde tried to sell her old car...

She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250 000 miles.

One day she told her problem to a friend she worked with. The friend told her,

“There is a way to make the car easier to sell but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde.

“O...

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I tried to force feed my child...

After a while, my wife said, "Just use a fucking spoon Mike, you're not a Jedi."

A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over.

He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days. The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her. To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper. Her affair ended long before the accident, but she thought she could ease her husband’s ...

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I tried jabbing a hole in my condom to get my girlfriend pregnant…

Now I just need to figure out how to get my dick to stop bleeding

A man tried to sell me a coffin today.

I told him that's the last thing I need.

Prisoner: I’m sorry I tried to escape.

Guard: I’m not mad, just........disappointed.

Remember, kids, never let your guard down.

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

I tried changing my password to "brazildefense" but Reddit said it was too weak

hope you find it funny!

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Just saw Amber Heard try to fake cry during the trial.

Can’t really tell if she’s a shitty actress or just a shitting actress.

I tried to start farming crows, until I was arrested.

They charged me with attempted murder.

I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.

He’s a giant banner after all.

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My ex-wife tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends that I had a micro dick...

She was in for a shock, when they all disagreed.

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I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he's not buying it, in fact he's still making fun of me.
Edit: Thanks for the karma, and damn Reddit is not shy about telling internet strangers they pooped in their pants.
Edit 2: Thank you kind stranger for giving me my first gold on a poop joke, I wouldn't have expected it any other...

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I tried dipping my balls in holy water and a nun caught me.

I told her I wanted my nuts to feel the power of God, but she said that was sack religious.

My girlfriend tried to take a selfie in the shower, but it was too blurry.

She has selfie steam issues.

I tried to be an Uber driver...

Trouble is, my passengers didn’t appreciate when I went the extra mile.

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I once tried to kill a spider with axe bodyspray

but he survived and now wont shut the fuck up about crossfit

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic...

He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater...

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Dr. Mike had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Mike, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just le...

Every morning when I go out of my house, a bike comes out of nowhere and tries to attack me.

It’s a ..vicious cycle.

I tried to catch some fog but....

I mist

Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own line of lingerie for women?

Unfortunately for him, Shatner Panties was a terrible brand name.

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The wife came up with this: what's short, bald and tries to enter places it doesn't belong?

Yeah, I know, I went with my dick first too, but apparently this was just another Putin joke.

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I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated butt plug, but Steve Jobs beat me to it.

It turns out, he was already making overpriced toys for assholes

[Obligatory edit: top submitted post is about butt plugs. Wowza! Also, thank you, kind Redditor for the gold! I can't believe a gilded joke is about sex toys :)]

I tried to remarry my ex-wife...

But she could tell I was only in it for my money.

My friend asked me if I had ever tried blindfolded archery, I replied I hadn’t

He said it’s great ! You don’t know what you are missing !

When I was in college, my girlfriend and I tried a long distance relationship...

I had to stay 300 feet away from her at all times.

Also, the judge said i had to stop calling her "my girlfriend"

I tried to call the tinnitus hotline

But it just kept ringing

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Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

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A man tries to clean his fake eye by licking it, but accidentally swallows it. He goes to the doctor in utter constipation seeking help.

The doctor tells the patient to bend over and cough, and promptly faints.

When he comes to, the nurse asks him what happened. "|'ve looked at quite a few arseholes in my practice" said the doctor, "first time ever an arsehole looked back!".

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russia...

I tried to teach my kid to count to ten but he just says “1, 3, 5, 7, 9”

He literally can’t even

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If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.

All they had was 13,749 matches.

I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request.....

The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?”

“Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.”

I've never tried cow tipping before.

How much do you usually pay them?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he is not buying it, in fact he is still making fun of me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady

She kept yelling, "I'm peeing in here!"

What a bitch.

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

I tried sorting r/Jokes by new

But all the results were from 13 years ago.

Ever tried blindfolded archery?

You don't know what you're missing

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down!,” the tree complains, “I’m a talking tree!”

The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle when he came upon little Johnny trying to sell a lawn mower.

"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said little Johnny.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

Little Johnny said, "Mister, y...

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I tried to find a porn director willing to hire me as a performer, but I couldn't...

Apparently I didn't look hard enough.

*(As you can probably tell by how stupid it is, I wrote this one myself.)*

I tried to argue Skyrim was the best game

..but I was down voted to oblivion.

I tried to send Sean Bean a death threat

He mistook it for a job offer. :(

Hey man will you hand me that tri-fold informational packet?

Bro sure

I tried so hard

And got sofa !!
But in the end it doesn't even mattress !!

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