The Moon Jokes - 82 Hilarious The Moon Jokes

First woman on the Moon:

"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."

Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...

"Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door.

Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped do...

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white...

...so now it looks like France landed there.

When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees

Sycamore

Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon

The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh...

... can you see Florida?”

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

The moon landing was staged

The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.

There have been numerous accusations that the moon landing was fake.

When Neil Armstrong was interviewed about it, it’s claimed he said the following;
The government found the trip to the moon was going to be both expensive and difficult. There was significant doubt that it could even be done. So, the CIA decided that because the US needed the propaganda advanta...

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

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Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.

‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.

‘We...

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Recently NASA found bones on the dark side of the moon.

Turns out, the cow never made it.

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

A teenager has a crush on a girl, and decides to ask her to the prom. The girls accepts, and the boy is over the moon.

Because he wants this night to be perfect, he decides he needs to dress his best, so, a couple of weeks before the prom he looks to rent a tuxedo.

When he gets to the store there are already people waiting in line, but he waits anyway, and gets his tuxedo.

He wants himself and his date...

A _solar_eclipse is when the moon is between the Earth and the Sun. A _lunar_ eclipse is when the earth is between the Moon and the Sun. What’s it called when the sun is between the moon and the earth?

The apocalypse…

Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.

They decided to call it a day.

When the US went to the moon....

...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.

What’s a psycho called on the moon?

>!A lunatic! !<

Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon?

Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

Why is declaring yourself the monarch of the moon a bad idea?

You'd have no air apparent.

SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.

It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.

Congratulations America. 51 years ago you landed on the moon!!!

Now you can’t even go to Canada.

My Mom always told me she loved me Ike the moon and stars.

We were never close.

Two astronauts went to the moon

When they crawled out of their spaceship, it was a sight to behold. In the distance, there was a teepee and a Native American sitting near a fire. They approached the native and one of them said, “Hello! We’re from planet Earth!” The native, with a scared look, says, “Oh god, not again.”

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

I'm not sure what the first church on the moon will look like...

But I'm sure the mass will be the same.

Leaked NASA documents show the Moon landing was done in a Studio.

On the moon.

The moon landings were faked…

But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.

What's more useful, the sun or the moon?

The moon. Because the sun only shines during daytime, when it's bright anyway, whereas the moon shines at night.

France has the most flags on the moon of any nation.

The intense UV light bleaches all the flags placed there white.

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.

Her hair was brown, her eyes baby blue, I knew exactly what she wanted to do.

And so, with courage, I did my best and laid my hand upon her breast.

Her face was light, her body fine, I ran my finger down her ...

What did the spaceship say when it landed on the moon?

I Apollogize!

Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...

Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.

Much love from Toronto, stay safe!

My neighbor claims he took a photo of a flea on the moon.

Never mind… it’s just a lunatic.

Why did the moon skip dinner?

Because it was full.

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What's the difference between the moon and Uranus?

I don't want to visit the moon tonight.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.

I'm sorry.

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

The Sun and the Moon walk into a bar...

Sun: Ahhh damn it! I forgot my wallet.
Moon: Hey no worries, I'll cover ya.

A man climbed a mountain in search of the legendary Monk of the Moon, said to be the wisest man to ever live...

The man explored the mountainside until he found the monk's cave. "Oh, great Monk of the Moon, what is the meaning of life?"

The monk turned around and lowered his pants. A voice came from his rear end. "One day, your life will end. What you do with that knowledge determines your life's mea...

Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?

He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

The flag on the moon.

The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "

Why is the moon so grumpy?

It's just going through one of its phases

Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said “I’m the second guy to walk on the moon...”

“Neil before me”

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What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut you racist bastard

Why did the cow travel to the moon?

To checkout the Milky Way.

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Ladies...If a man is willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....

You should be willing to sacrifice Uranus.

A stupid pun joke- The moon and the sun are having a conversation

The moon and the sun are having a conversation.
The moon says “Hey, you have been pretty dark lately. That kinda defies your entire sol purpose. The sun replies with “When will you stop telling me these stupid puns like a lune-atic.”

Chinese probes are still doing things on the dark side of the moon.

Seems pretty shady.

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

What's the moon's favorite gum?

Orbit.

Why does the Earth make fun of the moon?

Because it has no life

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There are no boobs at the moon

That’s why we stopped going there.

A message to the moon

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits....

What did the peanut say to the moon?

Nothing.. Peanuts don’t speak..

My 4 year old just told me this joke and I can’t stop laughing..

I’m currently obsessed with the Moon

Although I think it’s just a phase

Why do wolves howl at the moon?

Cause they don’t know how to use cellphones.

How do we know the moon is hairless?

The moon spends half the month waxing!

How do know there's no hair on the moon?

The moon waxes 14 times a month!

They sent a goose to the moon

The called it amoongoose

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People always say, "I love you to the moon and back."

That's not really that far. The moon is only 238,900 miles away.
Uranus, on the other hand, is 1.7 billion miles away.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

The Artemis mission is a success, two astronauts land on the moon.

The astronauts are exploring the surface and collecting samples. The mission is going well, but one of the astronauts notices something strange in the distance.

"Hey, what's that thing on the ground?" the astronaut points.

They cannot make out what it is, so the two astronauts approac...

So the Apollo missions found insects on the moon.

Lunatics

The moon landings never happened

It’s still in the sky

The moon landing was staged

The rocket they used had multiple stages

The moon is basically a walmart sun

it reflects the behavior of the original product, but it just isn't the same

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, “What are the guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old...

How do you know when the moon is going broke?

When it's down to its last quarter.

If the moon landing was indeed fake

NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.

I told my friends I was a blood sucking insect from the moon

they said I was a luna tick.

If we had a civilization on the moon and someone committed murder, would the punishment still be the same?

I mean, I would think the gravity of the situation would be way less, ya know?

Did you see the Chinese flag on the moon?

There are children all over China bragging they sewed it.

Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated.

Moo.

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

...

What do you call a mad insect on the moon?

A Lunatic

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.

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