UPJOKE
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Temp Jokes

I recently hired a temp to fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity leave.

Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I
asked her what she expected to earn.

The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is
four hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

The temp shook her head and replied, "With 'pleasure'...

I had a Halloween Temp job making little plastic Dracula figures.

However there were only 2 of us so I had to make every second Count.

My coworker, Kelvin, recently retired from the weather station and was replaced by a new guy named Celsius

He's the new temp.

I complained about the temperature at work for a month...

And then one day a maintenance person showed me where the thermostat was and how to open it up, set temps, and diagnose basic issues... Told me not to set it below 70 for too long though or she'd lock me back out again. This work from home office staff is really rude.

I thought I'd finally bagged my dream career making thermometers.

Turns out it was just a temp job.

My daughter was diagnosed with a pneumonia

I’m not sure where else to post this. This sub feels most fitting, but it’s been a long night. Please advise where it may be better suited if you’d like.

So our night sucked but had a silver lining in my two year old daughter’s comedic timing. We had to rush her to the ER at 3:00am (vomiting ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new nurse starts working at the hospital and is assigned to go take the vitals of the patients on the floor.

A second nurse is assigned to follow her to make sure she does it right and to check her work. The new nurse is chatting about how her nursing school is really pushing all kinds of new modern techniques and she can't wait to use them every day.

In the first patient's room, the nurse takes the...

Why did Freddy Mercury stay home from school?

He had a temp of 200 degrees Farenheit.

Get me a drink

DAD: Son, get me a drink.

SON: Coke or Pepsi?

DAD: Coke.

SON: Diet or regular?

DAD: Regular.

SON: Can or bottle?

DAD: Bottle.

SON: Small or large?

DAD: Godammit! Just get water!

SON: Mineral or tap?

DAD: Mineral!

SON: Cold ...

The nurse sauntered in with the thermometer...

She was here to temp me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not the top shelf

So, the story goes that my (admittedly funny) ex boyfriend met a very attractive lady back in 1992 who worked at a large amusement park, as a stall holder of the type with the guns and the targets and the huge adult size cuddly bears on the top prize shelf. You know the kind, right?

However s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeon's joke.

There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.

Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.

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