Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers

An old one, but a good one…

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care...

A telemarketer called me up 15 minutes ago on my cellphone (they call every fxxking day)

He said, "We have a vehicle warranty and have noticed that you are in need of one."

I said, "How do you know that I am in need of a warranty right now?"

He said, "Your previous warranty just recently lapsed and we need to make sure that you are continually covered."

I said, "I a...

What is the difference between a bad dad and a telemarketer?

The telemarketer always has time to call you.

I used to be a telemarketer

I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.

"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.

I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:

"For t...

Why do terrorists hate telemarketers?

The telemarketers keep blowing up their phones at meetings.

Telemarketers don't have managers

They have ring leaders

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he has to do it while you're eating dinner.

Telemarketer

A telemarketer calls a house, and a little boy answers the phone.

"Hello, little boy, is your father home?"

"No.

"Well, is your mother home?"

"No."

"Well, is there anyone else here I can speak to about an incredible opportunity?"

"Um, my sister's here."
<...

A joke on telemarketers from Seinfeld

**Jerry:** This isn’t a good time.

**Telemarketer:** When would be a good time to call back, sir?

**Jerry:** I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?

**Telemarketer:** Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.

**Jerry:** Oh, I guess be...

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why anyone would like to be a telemarketer.

If I wanted to be told to fuck off for hours on end, I'd attend a nightclub.

Jesus might be a telemarketer.

The other day I got a phone call from a telemarketer. The guy was trying to sell me frankincense. I really didn't want it though, so I told him I didn't want to buy any. He probably suspected I was going to hang up, so he quickly said, "But wait, there's myrrh!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a fellow on the street begging for change.

After two hours, he got up, walked down some quiet street and hopped into his Range Rover. I pursued him. I tapped on the window before he drove off.

"I saw what you were doing," I told him. "Taking advantage of naïve people and stealing their hard-earned money."

"Yea," he replied. "An...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Telemarketer

A telemarketer is making calls when a gentleman answers. "Good evening sir, how are you? I am calling today to--" when the man who answers interrupts him. He said, "Hold on now, first *I* have some questions for *you*." Amused, the telemarketer allows him to ask the questions. The man asks "Wha...

Did you hear the one about the zombie telemarketer?

They say he was a dead ringer.

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

An old man goes on a rant

“Don’t worry honey, I’m fine. I’m just faking it, I don’t have dementia. You see, I’m just tired. Tired of the kids whining and asking for money. Tired of my doctor always telling me I need to eat healthier and exercise. Tired of all these telemarketers. Tired of our neighbors always treating me lik...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a joke that i have been told by one of my friends(long)

im not a native speaker, but i will do my best

A woman has three daughters, 13, 14 and 15 years old

One day while she was cooking they come to the kitchen and say "mom can you give us a bit of money, we were studying all day" the mom says yes, and gives each one of them 20 dollars.
...

The Answering Machine

Hi, this is Eric.

If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.

If you are my parents, please send money.

If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.

If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.

If you are my friends, you o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only clean joke Michael Caine could think of to tell the Queen.

I remember this joke from a TV interview I saw with Michael Caine about 20 years ago, and it's stuck with me:


A telemarketer calls a house and a little girl answers the phone:

Little girl (LG): \*quiet voice* *"Hello?"*

Telemarketer (TM) "Hello there and good day, would you ...

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