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Strolling Jokes

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Three men are strolling along the Seafront…

Three men are walking along the seafront when they encounter a mermaid lazing about in the surf below them. The mermaid seems friendly, and the men are amazed at seeing this beautiful woman, so they strike up a conversation with her and make their way down to the beach.

Eventually, the first...

Xi and Biden have a bet

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

...

A life-long atheist dies and is surprised to find himself before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter sadly shakes his head and tells him that because of his non-belief, he must be sent to Hell. The Devil greets him there and shows him where he will now spend eternity,

a lovely cozy cottage set on a beautiful hillside where the sweet smell of flowers fills the air. The Devil tells him he will want for nothing and to feel free to walk the grounds. One day, while he is out strolling through the idyllic gardens, he comes across a tall wall. Curious, he climbs one of ...

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A bear and a rabbit were strolling through the forest…

… when suddenly they realize that they both need to take a dump. So they sit beside each other and do their business. As they are finishing, the bear looks down at the rabbit and asks: “Does shit cling to your fur?”. The rabbit, confused, looks up at the bear and answers “no”. “Great” says the bear,...

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A gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion sinking in a pool of quicksand

"Save me, gorilla!" shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"

The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.

When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, an...

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The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

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There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

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I was strolling through the graveyard, walking my dog when...

I happened across a man, crouched behind a gravestone.

"Morning" I said, tipping my hat to him.

"Nope" he replied "Just taking a shit"

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Two Englishmen are strolling down a London street,

when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.

One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"

His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly,
and replies,

"I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him fi...

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Two tigers were strolling through the woods, one behind the other.

The one at the back suddenly paced forward, and gave a quick lick to the other's butthole.

"Hey! Cut it out!!???" It snapped looking back. The tiger at the back immediately apologised and they continued walking.

After a little while this happened again. This time the one in front turne...

Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...

When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.

In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"

"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"

There is a silence, a...

One day Jesus was strolling around...

...when he comes across a sad old man, searching something desperately.
"What are you searching for old man?" He asks.
"My son." responds the old man.
Jesus tells the man that he will aid him in finding his son. But wanta more information: "Do you have any information about him? Anything s...

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So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course.

So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course. As he walks he picks up stray balls and stuffs them in his pants pocket. Later, seated at the bar he notices the lady next to him staring at the huge bulge in his pants. "Golf balls," he explains. "You poor man," the la...

What do you call a caveman strolling through a park?

A meanderthal.

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A man is strolling through the woods.. Suddenly,

He hears a voice in the distance. He decides to walk towards the voice, it could be someone in danger after all! What could it be? He starts walking a little faster. Weird, he thinks, it seems as if another person joined. Yeah its actually two voices right now, and he hears what they are saying: WE ...

A man is strolling past the mental hospital

and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the tim...

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An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets...

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window:
'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to hi...

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So, one fine day, a man is strolling through an open-air market place.

He stops at one of the live animal stalls and buys a chicken thinking that he will take it home, and make a nice chicken stew for dinner. On his way home he passes a theater that is showing a movie that he has been wanting to see and he decides to go in. The woman at the box office sees the chicken ...

Two packets of crisps are strolling down the street when a car pulls alongside them...

The driver asks if they would like a lift.

The crisps say, "No thanks, we're Walkers."

A man is strolling past an insane asylum when..

When he hears a loud chanting.

“Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” goes the noise form within the mental hospital’s wards.

The man’s curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It’s not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers...

A man is asked by his wife to go out and get ingredients for dinner

Being a little bit of a cheapskate he thinks of walking down to the beach with a bucket to collect snails.

As he's strolling down the beach picking them up the most beautiful woman in the world walks towards him. She stops and asks him about the snail picking. They hit it off and he's swept o...

A Canadian visits Russia...

As he's strolling through Moscow, he sees a Canadian restaurant, so he walks in. He orders potatoes and gravy.

As he's eating, he says "Ugh, I hate this Poutine..."

He was never seen again.

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A priest and a rabbi are strolling down the city together one evening when they spot a little boy wandering down an alley...

The priest says “Let’s fuck him!” The rabbi says, “Out of what?”

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, ...

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

A young bear cub was roaming the jungle . An animal he had never seen before comes strolling out of the trees.

He asks " excuse me what kind of animal are you?"

The animal replys
" well, I am a tiger"

The bear acts suprised and says " are you sure? You don't look like a tiger."

The tiger says " Do you think I'm a lyin?"

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A little girl is strolling through the garden with her father. She stoops down to examine a spiderweb.

"Daddy, what's that?"

"It's a spider, dear. A daddy-long-legs."

"So if this one is a daddy, does that mean that it marries a mommy-long-legs?"

Amused, he responds "No honey, they only marry another daddy-long-legs."

She stands and pauses to think for a moment. Suddenly ...

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.

The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the...

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Old Armenian joke.

*roughly translated, please excuse any incoherence*


A scholarly looking man is strolling around with a book under his arm and is noticed by a stranger. The stranger (who is a musician) is curious about the book and approaches the man.

"What is that book you have there?"

"Th...

"Cut a Man in Half" Trick

I was strolling down a street, suddenly came to a stop to see a street performer getting ready to do the "cut a man in half" act. The performer starts cutting then separates the coffin. In amazement I asked," Wow that's insane how did you do that?" He said," A Mortician never reveals his secrets."

A guy is walking down the sidewalk one day...

He happens to be strolling past an insane asylum with a huge wooden fence around the courtyard. Behind the fence he can hear a crowd of people chanting "14,14,14!" which gets his curiosity going. Up ahead of him, he can see a knothole in the fence so he heads over to it, leans down and peeks through...

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gen...

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The ant and the horse.

Once upon a time, a little ant was walking in the jungle, all of the sudden heard someone asking for help, it was a horse, somehow he got stuck in quicksand and was sinking fast!! The little ant didn't know what to do but then a light bulb moment; "I know. I'm gonna bring my Ferrari, I'll tie a rop...

Two boxers light up a blunt

After a couple hours, both of them are pretty damn high, they start telling each other stories. One of them says, "Oh man, the other day I went on the craziest date with my wife. I got home after practice and told her to get ready. A couple minutes later we head out into that beautiful forest next t...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink...

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