UPJOKE
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Skywalk Jokes

Anakin Skywalker walks into a Taco Bell, and is shocked to find his master Yoda behind the counter

He asks what the Jedi master is doing there, to which he replies "Pay well, Jedi council does not. Work two jobs, I must." Fair enough, thinks Anakin. He orders his food, and reaches into his pocket to pay, when Yoda asks, "A beverage, would you like with that?" "Ok," says Anakin, "what do you recom...

Luke Skywalker: "You smoke Han Solo?"

Han Solo: "No."

Luke Skywalker: "What about Chewbacca?"

Han Solo: "No, I don't do that either."

Chewie is short for Chewbacca

Chewie is short for Chewbacca

Ani is short for Anakin Skywalker

What is Luke short for?


A stormtrooper

Why didn't Luke Skywalker want to visit the Death Star?

Because he didn't want death.

(My 5 year old made this joke up and he was very proud of himself. I told him I'd post it here for cheap and easy karma)

Why didn't Anakin Skywalker become an engineer?

He couldn't get a Master's degree.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why couldn’t Anakin Skywalker be promoted to a high Jedi rank?

He would have been a Master Vader.

What did the lunch lady say to Luke Skywalker?

Use the FORKS, Luke!

Why was Anakin Skywalker rejected for a credit card?

Because he applied for a MasterCard.

What is Luke Skywalker's least favorite store

The second hand store

Anakin Skywalker’s wedding vows to Padme

For richer or poorer, for better or worse, til Darth do is part.

Who is Anakin Skywalker’s least favorite politician?

BURNie SANDers.
I made that up like a year ago but if someone else thought of it, too, my apologies!

Yoda and Luke Skywalker are together in a ship when Luke asks...

Luke: are we on track?

Yoda: off course, we are.

What did Luke Skywalker say when he got 'Hamilton' tickets?

I'm gonna need a right hand, man!

What does Anakin Skywalker never order at a restaurant?

Sandwiches.

Who played Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Why did Anakin Skywalker fail as a lawyer?

His arguments didn't have a leg to stand on.

Where does Luke Skywalker like to vacation?

The HimaLeah

What did Han Solo say when he saw Luke Skywalker eating without cutlery?

“Use the Forks, Luke”

Why was Luke skywalker late to work?

He had to take an R2Detour.

Did you know Anakin Skywalker was Jewish?

You can tell because he cut up his force kin.

Luke Skywalker and Yoda are hopelessly lost on their journey...

Luke: Yoda, we've been walking for hours! Are you sure that we're going the right way?

Yoda: For the tenth time, told you, I have! Off course, we are!

Why was Luke Skywalker called the last Jedi ?

Because he was the Obi Wan left

How does Skywalker prefer his coffee?

Lukewarm.

What’s Luke Skywalker’s favorite car brand ?

It’s ToYoda.

Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker pay for dinner?

Because his master card got denied.

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are about to engage in a lightsaber duel, when Vader suddenly whispers, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke ignores him and continues to prepare for the fight.

Vader whispers again, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke lowers from his attack stance and asks, "Ok, what are you going on about?"



Vader says, "I can sense your presents."

Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker upload his pics to email them to Padme?

Because attachments are forbidden.

How did Luke Skywalker get around the forest moon of Endor?

Ewoked.

Luke Skywalker took a hissy fit in a restaurant. Try as he might, using Chopsticks was seemingly far beyond his fledgling Jedi skills. Embarrassing himself and causing a bit of a scene, Ben Kenobi leans over and offers some wisdom:

"Use the forks, Luke!"

Before Luke Skywalker died, he saw his mother and father before him...

His mom asked why he had blonde hair when he was young, as neither she nor anikin had it.

Luke fell silent, but before he could answer, his father answered " he was going through a rebel phase, dear"

Why did Anakin Skywalker fail survival school?

Because when he was truly lost, he did not seek the higher ground

What do you get when you cross Harry Potter with Luke Skywalker?

Scar Wars.

What’s Luke Skywalkers favorite type of retirement account?

A Hoth IRA

Why didn't Luke Skywalker's marriages ever last?

He wanted to follow Obi-Wan's advice: "Use divorce, Luke"

Whats the worst insult you can call Anakin Skywalker?

"Beach"

Why did Luke Skywalker never marry?

Because he was busy riding Solo

What does the US’s Native American policy have in common with Anakin Skywalker?

They like slaughter not just the men, but the women and the children too

Last night I partied like Anakin Skywalker.

I killed a dozen Yuengling.

How does the Skywalker family like their tea?

Lukewarm

Why did Anakin Skywalker hate bed time?

Because that's when the sandman came.

And not just the sand man but the sand woman and and children too

Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastical...

How come does Luke Skywalker does not have a girlfriend?

He was looking for love in Alderaan places

Where did Luke Skywalker go shopping between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi?

Second Hand Store

What's Anakin Skywalker's favorite beer?

Yeungling. He can kill off a 12-pack by himself.

C3PO, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo are taken prisoner on an alien planet

The Millennium Falcon had to make an emergency stop on an uncharted planet. The trio is greeted by a hostile alien race and placed in a horrendous prison.

After some time they are taken in the night to some kind of tribunal where they are told that all outsiders are regarded as evil demons an...

I guess you could say Luke Skywalker single-handedly defeated the empire.

I told this joke to someone in a dream, and when I woke up I realized it was actually funny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Luke Skywalker and a black man?

Luke Skywalker eventually finds out who his father is.

One day Darth Vadar said to Luke Skywalker

I know what you got for your birthday.
Luke looked at him and said "how do you know that?"
Darth Vadar replied "I can feel your presents".

What dressing does Luke Skywalker put on a porg before eating it?

Skywalker Ranch

I was talking to Luke Skywalker the other day...

And he asked me why 7 was such a scary number

I told him that 789

But Yoda insists

It was 678

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker’s last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, “Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!”

my favorite star wars character is luke skywalker

hand down

So Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are locked in their final showdown...

...light sabers are flashing, the balance is delicate, but suddenly Luke knocks Darth's weapon away. As it's skidding out of reach, Luke moves in for the final blow. Quickly, Darth holds up a hand and says "Luke, wait! I need to tell you something". Luke, sensing a trap, asks why he should do such a...

After Luke Skywalker found out Princess Leia was his sister...

He became best friends with hand solo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Overall, "Rise of Skywalker" was okay, but there was one thing that really annoyed me all through the film-

Those fucking Chinese subtitles!

Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan are out at a Chinese restaurant and Luke is really battling trying to use the chopsticks to feed his face. ​

After a while Obi Wan turns to him and says "use the forks luke".

Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are having a lightsaber battle

And Luke is losing. He knows that unless he does something soon, he's going to die. So he thinks fast and says to Darth Vader, "Darth Vader, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Darth Vader hesitates for a moment and says "How do you know?"

And Luke responds "I felt your presen...

Why was Luke Skywalker banned from all the local pubs...

He used excessive force

Luke Skywalker goes to eat at an Italian restaurant, finishes dinner then orders desert.

Only one canoli.

Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 go to a Chinese restaurant for dinner...

.... Luke scans the menu and sees his favorite egg fried rice so he say to R2-D2 “Oh I’m definitely ordering that!” Sure enough when the waiter comes along he orders the egg fried rice and a few other side dishes.

Now Luke is absolutely starving, so as soon as his meal arrives he picks up the...

What were Luke Skywalker's favourite model cars to play with as a kid?

Toyodas

What did Obi-wan say to Skywalker the first time he saw him as Darth Vader?

(snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an ...

They put a model of young Darth Vader in the wax museum…

…actually it was Mannequin Skywalker.

What do you call an X-Wing pilot who makes too many loop-de-loops?

Puke Skywalker

What do you call a nervous Jedi?

Panakin Skywalker

My girlfriend and I finally decided to try out role-play in the bedroom. I dressed up like Luke Skywalker

And she pretended to be a dead fish.

I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies, and I realized something

It’s not that big of a shock that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.


I mean, they have the same no’s.

[StarWars] What Do You Get When You Cross a Jedi and a Mannequin?

**Manakin Skywalker**

My friends and I went drinking last weekend

This wasn't casual drinking, we got absolutely wasted. I still have a little bit of a headache from the hangover. I don't remember a lot from the night, but I do remember multiple dares, and a bet about who could drink the most without blacking out. I don't remember what placement I got, but I do kn...

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