UPJOKE
julietlovertybaltromeo and julietpalpyramusovidmetamorphosestragedylemanprotagonistamourboyfriendbelovedsweetheart

"Will you be my Juliet and I will be your Romeo?"

"Aww, you love me?"

"No, I just thought the world would be better if we were both dead."

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love...

But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...

Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater.

The script clearly said ‘Enter Juliet from behind’.

Girl, we’re just like Romeo and Juliet

Cuz my family hates you and I want to kill myself.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

Romeo & Juliet.doc...

...is a play on Word.

What's the difference between CoVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One's a Coronavirus, the other is a Verona Crisis.

...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said,

"Its over Romeo,

I have the high ground"

Retired Rattlesnake Roadside-Romeo

Retired Rattlesnake Roadside-Romeo was on the side of a dirt road in rural Arizona. On the other side of the road was a chicken.
So, he hollers, "Hey there! Babe! I don't usually talk with random chicks, but you ought to know that I am like a hundred years old. Do you want to know the secret to...

What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit?

cantelope

David Beckham’s son arrived for football training.

He asked the coach, “What number shirt am I?”

The coach said “Wear four out there, Romeo”.

Where do Alfa Romeo owners go to meet Land Rover owners?

The bus!

Why did the fruit theatre company not pick the melon to star in Romeo and Juliette?

Because it cantaloupe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Magic Dildo (nsfw)

Romeo has gotten a new job out of state and now must leave his girlfriend, Juliet, behind. Their love is strong so they both want to give this long distance thing a try. The night before his departure, Romeo gives Juliet a gift: A magic dildo. “To use it,” He says, “all you have to say is *Magic ...

A Blonde Date

Guy met a beautiful blonde and asked her for a date. They go to dinner and everything went fine. On the way home, Romeo decides to stop at the local Lover's Lane. They start kissing and things are getting pretty hot. So Romeo asks the Blonde, "Hey, how would you like to move to the back seat?" Blo...

A man went to college

A man from Alabama comes back to his hometown for a visit after his first year in college.

His friend meets up with him and asks what he learned from college?

Man: Well I learned biology for one.

Friend: Oh really? Speak in biology to prove it.

Man: Amoeba, nucleus, and ...

Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet?

A customer at our bookstore asked me, "Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet? My daughter needs it for school, and all I can find is the play."

Juliet hates it when people give her advice about relationships.

It’s not her first Romeo.

To be or not to be?

I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction.
My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'

A man walks up to the ticket counter at a theater and orders two tickets.

"For Romeo and Juliet?" the ticket vendor asks.

"No," the man replies. "For me and my wife."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got this from theodd1'sout

Riddles are so stupid! Here's an example of one that only has one correct answer even though anything could be true:
Romeo and Juliet are at a party when a train strolls by and they are found dead next to a puddle of glass. Why are they dead?

Because they were both fish! The train vibratio...

A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.

After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.

The son lifts his face from his palms and...

My wife just made this up on the spot: What did the top dog of the pack do for fun on the weekend?

He drove his 'alpha' Romeo!

Halloween puns and bad one-liners

Throw em at me!



> What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?

Ghoul-Aid

> What's a ghosts favorite play?

Romeo and Ghouliet

> Why did Dracula go to the doctor?

Because he was coffin

Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night, all he could offer her was $0.50 and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she wa...

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

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