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Grim Reaper Jokes

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Three men are confronted by the grim reaper [NSFW]

The grim reaper says to the three men, "I will spare your lives if you can each collect 12 pieces of fruit for me." All three men go their separate ways, and a few minutes later guy 1 comes back with 12 oranges.


The grim reaper says "before I can spare your life, you must complete one fin...

What is the Grim Reaper's favorite kind of drink?

Mortali-tea!

It just occurred to me why the Grim Reaper is so popular in myths and cultures throughout the world

People are always dying to meet him

What did the Grim Reaper say when he walked into a shoe shop?

I've come for your soles!

What did the chicken say to the grim Reaper?

Should have looked both ways.....

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I heard the grim reaper is bisexual…

Apparently, Death comes for us all.

Why did the Grim Reaper schedule an appointment with his eye doctor?

He was having issues with his death perception.

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Pride Fact: Did you know the Grim Reaper is canonically pansexual?

>!Death comes for us all.!<

The Grim Reaper appeared beside me when I was chopping some carrots in the kitchen.

He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me....

Very scary, when you are dicing with death.

The grim reaper approaches Paddy and says "I'm death"

Paddy says "I'll talk louder then"

The Grim Reaper Challenge

There were three men on an airplane somewhere above the Atlantic ocean. Suddenly Grim Reaper appears on the plane. He says”Before I take you all with me ‘ll give you a chance to survive. Each one of you will throw something to the ocean and if I find it you will die”.

The first one throws a n...

Which sport does the grim Reaper play?

Sickle Ball

The Grim Reaper started hosting an art class in their spare time.

They call it, a brush with Death!

Grim Reaper

Late last night, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, I saw Death come to take me. He stuck out one bony finger from his shroud and motioned for me to follow.

“Please!” I begged. Just give me a few more years.” Death just silently shook his head.

“I’ll do anything,” I exclai...

What's it called when the Grim Reaper screws up and gets a concussion?

A repercussion

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

A scale factor and a variable are walking in the park when the Grim Reaper appears.

The Grim Reaper points to the scale factor and says “your time is up,” and hits him with his scythe. However, nothing happens for about 10 seconds, and then the scale factor drops dead. The variable sees this and asks “why didn’t he die immediately when you hit him?” The Grim Reaper responds “Oh, it...

How does the Grim Reaper keep his cloak so black?

He uses dye!







Cheesy joke I came up with last night, enjoy.

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Whats the Grim Reapers best quality?

Hes Dead Sexy.

Why does the Grim Reaper go on so many dates?

He’s deathperate

The Grim Reaper

A woman was sleeping at home with her lover, she suddenly hears her husband knocking on the door, so she immediately makes a prayer "God, please hide my lover and take whatever you want from me." The grim reaper shows up infront of her and says "I will grant your wish, but only on one condition, aft...

What did the Grim Reaper say to the ill calendar?

"Your days are numbered, my friend."

The Grim Reaper appears before a man who's standing outside a department store changing room where his wife is inside trying on clothes...

The Grim Reaper says: "You will die of a heart attack in 30 seconds, but don't worry, because you are going straight to heaven."

The man, scared and skeptical says: "I never go to church, so how do you know for sure that I'm going to heaven? "

The Grim Reaper replies: "Easy. Satan won...

How do we know the grim reaper has a lip

when people die, he doesn't death-criminate

If the Grim Reaper didn't know what died....

he would really hate middle aged dads during summer.

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One day the grim reaper came to a man and said "your time has come"

the man begged and plead so the grim reaper gave him another year to live.
after the year was over the reaper returned but the man was in an airplane. he once again said "your time has come". the man said "you cant take me now. what about all these innocent people. they dont deserve to die". <...

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What does the grim reaper and a pedophile have in common?

They both take people before their time.

What kind of music do chiropractors like?

Hip hop.

What kind of music does the grim reaper like? Death metal and Soul.

I'm sorry.

Carrie Fisher dead at 60.

Her last words were "aren't you a little short for a grim reaper."

What did Keanu Reeves say to the Grim Reaper on his deathbed?

“You’re breathtaking!”

A woman was admitted to the hospital.....

for heart surgery. At this time, the Grim Reaper came and stood beside her. The lady said, "Am I going to die today? " Reaper said, "No. You'll live for another 30 years. "

The lady thought, "If I only live another 30 years, I may as well live lavishly. She got her teeth fixed, her hair trans...

The Grim Reaper came for me last night

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

Why couldn’t the Grim Reaper go to war?

Because he supports all troops

Why did the Grim Reaper come to r/Jokes looking for Oast?

Because like everyone else in the sub, he came to Reap Oast.

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A Safe Death

A man was having serious medical problems and had an appointment to see his doctor. He was so distraught over the likely possibility of bad news that he asked his son to go along with him.

Sure enough, the doctor announced that the man had terminal cancer and had only a short time to live. Ne...

What happens if you try to sit on Death's couch?

There will be grim reaper cushions

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