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Reading Glasses Jokes

Why didn't the old man wear old man reading glasses?

They were too on-the-nose.

Day (8) of Isolation. I can't find my reading glasses, so opening food tins has now become a bit of a Lottery.

Today's lunch was Custard on Toast.

[Long] An old man with a broken glasses went to see an Optometrist

He bring a newspaper with him and said that he can't read.

So the optometrist checked his eyes and give him a generic reading glasses.

"Can you read now?" Asked the optometrist.

"Nope. I can't read." Said the old man promptly.

Confused the optometrist go look for differ...

A son goes up to his dad one morning

He says”I’m starting a search service!” His dad, impressed, goes “That’s a great idea! Just look how well companies like Google and Bing are doing!” The son replies “Oh no dad, not that type of search engine. I’ll find things around the house for you. For example, five dollars, I’ll find your readin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

[OC] A farmer was wandering around the ranch

He stopped at regular intervals along his wire fence, mumbling to himself.

"Hey Howard, what's up?" His neighbor cruised by on a pickup truck.

"Bill, there's something wrong with my fence." He points to the vertical piece of wood which held up the wire.

"This is exactly identi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends walk into a shoe store

The first friend sees a beautiful pair of red shoes in the window. "I have to get those shoes" she says. Her friend looks at them and notices there isn't a price tag on them. The friends take the shoes to the front counter and the man behind the counter smiles at them. "How can I help you two?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

[LONG] The life of an old man.

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the table that I collected from the letter box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys ...

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