There is no free will!! Everything that happens is predestined!!

I’m sorry, I just had to say that.

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

A Calvinist arrived at the Gates of Heaven.

He sees that there are two lines going in. One has a sign that reads "predestined," and the other, "free will". He naturally heads to the predestined line.

While waiting, an angel comes and asks him "Why are you in this line?"

He replies, "Because I chose it."

The angel looks su...

A man dies and goes to heaven

He gets to the pearly gates, and he sees two lines: one labeled "Predestination" and the other labeled "Free Will." The man, being a good five-point Calvinist, gets in the "predestined line." He waits his turn and gets to the front, and the angel asks him "Why are you in the predestined line?" Guy g...

A group of Christians are tasked with changing a lightbulb.

The Charismatic changes it easily; his hands are already up.



The Roman Catholic refuses; he prefers candles.



The Pentecostal changes it while his friends pray against the Lord of Darkness.



The Christian Scientist can't, but he prays for the light to turn ...

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