I was going to pray to god for a bike.

But of course god doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

Why do Irish travellers pray to God every Sunday.

So they can prey on everyone else the other 6 days.

A Muslim guy was traveling without a ticket in train.

Something different but quite funny.

(Little context: Muslim prayer unit is called Rikat it takes around 2 minutes. usually, prayers go in sets of 2 or4 rikat, and then in each prayer time, you do 1 to 2 sets. so in total 5 to 10 minutes, with each set you have to call out the number of rikat...

An old but timely parable / joke for our times

A river valley was flooding fast. A TV news bulletin warned residents to get to higher ground. But as everyone was evacuating, a smug Evangelist stood his ground and declared "I will pray to God to deliver me from this disaster!"

So he prayed.

Some time went by and the floodwaters ro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to confession (NSFW)

Man: Forgive me farher for what I have sinned.


Father: What did you do my child?


Man: I went to my sister in law's home. Just when I was leaving, it started raining and I had to stay there. We slept together.


Father: Pray to god my son for he is merciful.


...

The wish.

One day, a married couple walked into a temple. The preist said "today is a fortunate day for praying, you both pray to god and ask a wish each and it will be granted"
The Wife prays "God, I hope me and my husband stay together for 7 lives"
Husband after listening this, prays "God, may this be...

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I used to smoke weed and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.

I was the best teacher ever.

A man in the desert rents out a camel to ride on.

The rental guy asks, “Have you ever ridden one of these?”

The man replies, “No.”

“It’s simple. If you say Woah, it will walk. If you say Woah Woah, it will run. If you say Woah Woah Woah, it will run so fast you have to pray to god to stop.”

The man hops on the camel and says “W...

A Jewish Man Sends His Son Away

He sends him on a pilgrimage to Israel. Three months pass and the man is confused when his son is not wearing a Yamakah. The son informs the man that he has converted to Christianity.

Dumbfounded, the man goes to his friend (also Jewish) and tells him of his son. His friend replies, "How inte...

A young girl runs under a church awning to escape the rain.

"Wow, it's really pouring sky buckets out here!" she yells to the priest greeting visitors.

Before he can respond, the sky releases a torrential downpour, as if a thousand firehoses opened up from the clouds.

"Whoa! Now it's *really* raining cats and dogs!" she exclaims. Suddenly, a c...

A man goes to see his rabbi...

... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange yo...

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Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

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A man gets on the bus and the only seat available is up front next to a beautiful nun

He tries starting small talk but she isn't interested in the slightest, and a few stops later she gets off. The bus driver, having watched all this, feels sorry for the young man. "hey pal, don't sweat it. She gets on this bus every Tuesday to go to the market and every time there's a young guy like...

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Sex

Sex is like math:

You add the bed

Subtract the clothes

Divide the legs

And pray to god you don’t multiply


(From urban dictionary)

Once a guy had a very important presentation.

He was getting late and couldn't find a spot to park his car. In desperation he began to pray to God.

"Oh God! If you find me a parking spot I promise to go to church every Sunday, I will not flirt with Sally next door and will never touch whiskey again."

Just as he finishes his prayer...

A nun and a bus driver go to heaven.

They are greeted by Peter who checks their records and takes them to their new homes. First Peter takes the bus driver to a great big palace. Next Peter takes the nun to a wooden shack. The nun, confounded about the difference, confronts Peter:

Nun: "I am a woman of faith. How come I only got...

Some bloke wants to become a lawyer

The guy (lets call him John) has been dreaming about being the greatest lawyer in the state for years, and has spent the past half a decade working super hard at law school to achieve this goal.

One day, he gets an interview for a highly successful law firm called "Anderson and Nelson At Law"...

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A man goes to confession

A man walks into a church and goes to the priest to begin confession.

Man: father I have sinned and I would like to confess.

Priest : go ahead my son

Man: last night I went to my girlfriends sisters house and it ended up raining heavily. I ended up sleeping with her and staye...

A Jewish businessman sent his son to Israel for a year...

...so he could know a bit more about their culture. When he came back home, the son said:

'Dad, Israel was great! Oh and by the way, I became Christian.'

'Oh no!' said the father. 'What have I done?'

The father then went to hang out with his best friend and told him about his mi...

A nun travelling to the Vatican fell out of her hotel window

Falling from the 10th floor, all she could do was pray to God to save her. To her surprise, a man catches her at the 8th floor,

He said "Let me touch your t!ts or I'll let go"

"I'd rather die than commit such sin!"

The man then let her go and the nun prays harder to God .At t...

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Two old jews are talking about their children...

The first one says "My son has decided to stop keeping kosher! Oy! What a terrible world" The second one replies "Your son? \*MY\* son! My son has decided to stop keeping the Sabbath! Oy gevalt! What can we do?" They seek guidance from the chief Rabbi of their village and share their woes with. "You...

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Hippy and the bus driver

So a hippy gets on a bus and sees a beautiful nun sitting there. He tries to talk to her but she refuses saying she has devoted her life to god only.

The nun gets off at the next stop and the hippy decides he wants to have sex with her. The bus driver, seeing the hippy perving on the nun, wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man goes to his rabbi for advice..

"Rabbi, my son is considering turning to Christianity. How may I help him?"

The rabbi responds with "My friend, I too am having this problem. My son refuses to accept Judaism. Let us speak to the district clergy and seek advice together."

The two approach the clergy, and speak to one o...

A priest and a bus driver are standing in Purgatory...

There is an angel guarding two doors: one for Hell, the other for Heaven. Both of them approach the celestial being and it says, looking at a really long list:

"Alright, Mr... Stanford, the bus driver? You are going to Heaven, congratulations!"

The bus driver happily opens the correspo...

A woman entered her daughter’s room and found a letter

“Dear mom

I hate to tell you this, but I escaped with my new boyfriend. He’s sweet guy although people judge him because the rings on his ears and nose, and his many tattoos and his big bike.

I’m also pregnant. He tells me that we’ll live happy in the forest and have many kids.

...

Class Teacher

At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, “No ma'am, my moms a good cook!”

My wife's cooking is so bad....

We pray to God after the meal

A driver in Manhattan is looking for a parking space

He is driving for 30 minutes looking for a place to park his car. Desperately, he looks up and pray to god: "God if you get me a parking space, i will go religious, never drink, lie or swear and will help people from now on".
As he finishes that - he sees a huge parking space. He lifts his head u...

One day a devout, Christian man was walking through the forest...

...when he spotted a lion lurking towards him ready to pounce. So, he got on his knees and began to pray to God, "Please, Lord. Let this lion be a Christian lion, so that he will not eat me." The lion then got on his knees and prayed, "Thank you, God for providing me this dinner...

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