A tomato and a cucumber bounce into a bar.

"Larry and I have been wanting to become human for a while now," the tomato says to the bartender. "But none of the other bars in town have drinks that will turn us into humans. Do you have such a drink?"

"I think I do," says the bartender. "Let me see if I have it."

"This is gonna be ...

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Oldie, but no one I tell has ever heard it

One day there was a bunny hopping through the forest when he comes across a deer rolling up a joint.

The bunny says "Mr. Deer...don't waste your life on drugs. Prance through the forest with me and be free!" Mr. Deer thinks "Ya know...he's right. What am I doing with my life?"

So he p...

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

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An anniversary story

An elderly couple is nearing their 50th wedding anniversary so the husband decides to do something to try and keep things fresh in the bedroom. After 50 years of marriage it’s not such a bad idea.

He goes down to the store and asks the shop assistant to show him a nice shear negligee. She sel...

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