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Only Person Jokes

The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

The only person that keeps me from commiting suicide

is that guy instantly upvoting anything I post.

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

Who's the only person that can come between a cannibal and a meal?

An appetizer.

I asked my wife if I was the only person she ever slept with...

She replied, “Yes, the other’s tend to keep me awake.”

Who's the only person over 58kg to ride a Melbourne Cup winner?

Chris Munce's cellmate.

Who is the only person who survives every disaster?

The movie camera-man.

Donald Trump is the only person in the world who achieved this and made a history.

He won an argument against a woman

My wife's the only person I know that buys so much from Amazon

that she needs two shopping carts.

The only person that ever truly wanted me for who I am..

was the police

The only person responsible for dandruff prevention is you.

It falls on your shoulders.

Post Malone and his family went out for dinner, while his sister was the only person left in the house. When they came back, they found out the neighbours had started referring to her as a promiscuous woman.

After all, she was Ho Malone.

You know the best part about being the only person at the gym that uses a speed bag?

There’s no punchline

Ruth is the only person that i show mercy to

If i didn't have her, I'd be completely Ruthless

Who is the only person able to knock out Ronda Rousey?

Bill Cosby

I'm not the only person that tailgates on the road.

It's a come on problem.

You're the only person to be jealous of Two-Face

Because at least half his face is normal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who's the only person known to have had sex with OP's mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor

A guy walks into a bar, and takes a seat, noticing that he's the only customer.

The only person around is a bartender, who is on his phone, and who waves to indicate he'll be with him as soon as he can.

The guy nods and waits patiently, but suddenly he hears a small voice say: "Nice shirt!" He looks around, but can't see anyone other than the bartender, who is still on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bar joke

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sat in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when ...

The Battle of Three Kingdoms

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night...

The blind Walmart clerk

My teacher was telling us about this joke today so I thought I would share.

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and
goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing...

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