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On Water Jokes

Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 72% water. I can walk on babies. Therefore I'm 72% jesus.

I'm also 100% in prison.

Jesus may have walked on water

But Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

Jesus walked on water...

And I can't even stand up on good bourbon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane made an emergency landing on water

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - “You tell the Americans this is an ADV...

Why didn’t Jesus walk on water after his resurrection?

It’s a hell of a lot harder to with holes in your feet...

An English sailor just off the coast of Germany discovers that his boat is taking on water.

Alarmed, he calls the German coastguard by radio: "Hello coastguard, I'm sinking, I'm sinking!"

There is a pause for a few seconds, before the coastguard replies, "OK ... Vat are you sinking about?"

Walking on Water

It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants 
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up 
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesu...

Jesus maybe walked on water

But Chuck Norris swims on the ground.

What do you call a girl that can float on water?

Boyn't

I can walk on water

But I just kind of stumble on whisky

A German submarine is starting to take on water

A German submarine is starting to take on water. In desperation, they radio a nearby German base.

"Help us, ve are sinking, ve are sinking"

Just as they were about to fully sink, a reply came.

"Vhat are you sinking about?"

Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine.

Step 3: Prophet

Walking on Water

A girl was told all her life that all the women in her family could walk on water on their 21st birthday. She never believed her mom but when it came time for her 21st birthday, she stepped out onto a lake and promptly fell.

When she came back, she confronted her mom and asked her why she cou...

Did you hear about the man who could moonwalk on water?

Jeheeheesus

Walking on water

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal dri...

Everyone thinks it's crazy that Jesus walked on water...

But no one ever mentions that Steven Hawking ran on batteries.

I got a new plant that survives on water and learning new words...

It's cool and all, but I had to install a hydro-phonics system.

Trump claims if he could walk on water, the fake news media would report:

"Trump can't swim"

What would be the name of the greatest golf player of all time, if golf was played on water instead of land?

Shark water

Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"

Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.

A man tried to walk on water in Egypt

He regretted it, he was very in denile

I can't walk on water..

But I'm really good at turning wine into pee

What sits on water and goes quick?

A South African duck.

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

Hey, you know what the beaver said when he slipped on water?

Damn it !!

What kind of car can drive on water?

A Chrystler.

I can walk on water

... but I tend to stagger on beer.

Jesus thought he was cool when he walked on water until...

He met Luke, a Skywalker.

This morning I choked on water while jogging for the third time this week...

Worst running gag ever.

Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?

Because they lack toes in taller ants.

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter?

"OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

A Sargent in the army is out fishing with a navy sailor

A big gust of wind hits their small boat, and it capsizes. The Sargent starts to swim to shore, but he notices his friend is sinking and panicking in the water, so swims back, and pulls him to safety.

“Please don’t tell anyone about this.” The sailor says, “If people found out I can’t swim I’...

So Jesus decides to come back to earth...

He gets his friend Moses to come with him, and Moses tells him he should warm up doing miracles before he shows anyone. They rent a cabin on a lake out in the middle of nowhere.

The first day, Jesus takes a wine glass, fills it with water and turns it into wine! Moses is suitably impressed....

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