Jesus can walk on water, babies are 72% water, I can walk on babies therefore I am 72% Jesus

I’m also 100% in jail

Trump claims if he could walk on water, the fake news media would report:

"Trump can't swim"

Jesus maybe walked on water

But Chuck Norris swims on the ground.

Everyone thinks it's crazy that Jesus walked on water...

But no one ever mentions that Steven Hawking ran on batteries.

A German submarine is starting to take on water

A German submarine is starting to take on water. In desperation, they radio a nearby German base.

"Help us, ve are sinking, ve are sinking"

Just as they were about to fully sink, a reply came.

"Vhat are you sinking about?"

I can walk on water

But I just kind of stumble on whisky

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter?

"OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

A man tried to walk on water in Egypt

He regretted it, he was very in denile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane made an emergency landing on water...

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The Air Hostess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused; so she asked the captain to help. The captain being knowledgeable and experienced, guided her:
1. Tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
2. Tell the Br...

It's said that Jesus could walk on water...

Thats nothing! Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

Walking on Water

A girl was told all her life that all the women in her family could walk on water on their 21st birthday. She never believed her mom but when it came time for her 21st birthday, she stepped out onto a lake and promptly fell.

When she came back, she confronted her mom and asked her why she cou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the middle of a summer, Bubba and Billy Ray are fishing in a lake, while a tourist on water skis keeps doing circles around their boat...

Bubba eyes the tourist, and, after a while, mutters:

"That guy sure's scarin' away all them fish with that racket..."

"Sure is," Billy Ray agrees.

"Say," Bubba suggests, "why don't we smack an oar next time he passes us, an' splash him?"

Billy Ray likes the idea, and they...

How did Jesus walk on water?

He just covered his feet with flex tape

This morning I choked on water while jogging for the third time this week...

Worst running gag ever.

Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?

Because they lack toes in taller ants.

Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine.

Step 3: Prophet

Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"

Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.

Jesus thought he was cool when he walked on water until...

He met Luke, a Skywalker.

Walking on Water

It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants 
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up 
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesu...

I can't walk on water..

But I'm really good at turning wine into pee

Walking on water

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal dri...

What sits on water and goes quick?

A South African duck.

What kind of car can drive on water?

A Chrystler.

Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water.

Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico.

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

I can walk on water

... but I tend to stagger on beer.

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus & Moses in a boat

so jesus and moses were rowing a boat fishing for supper and after no action Jesus was getting bored and he was like 'hey moishe, moishe--check it out, you think i can still walk on water? you think i still have it? how much you wanna bet i can still walk on water?' Moses says 'i'll take any bet you...

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus and Moses go Fishing

Jesus and Moses are sitting by a riverbank, fishing, and shooting the shit about the good ol' days.

Moses says, "I had a few great days, but I have to say, that day I parted the Red Sea was the best of them. Man, that was spectacular! You should have seen the look on everyone's faces." ...

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.

Jesus: Hey Moses, when's the last time you parted the water. You still got it in you.

Moses: It's been a while. Let's see.

And standing in the boat he held out his hands and the water parted.

Moses: What about you? Can you ...

3 elephants are falling from a cliff

Two land on ground the third on water.






Ba dum tss

A Priest, Rabbi, and Imam are fishing on a lake

They finish the drinks in the cooler.

Rabbi: "I'll go get some more" and he walks across the water, gets more drinks, and walks back across the water.

They finish the drinks again.

Imam: "It's my turn to get more" and he walks across the water, gets more drinks, and walks back a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

A famous Admiral and an equally famous General were fishing together when a sudden storm hit.

When it died down both renowned warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The Admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the General, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone...

In the Mormon Church there is a family that has recently been baptized.

After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks,
“Will you give a talk next Sunday in Church?”
The new convert replies, “Sure, but what would you like me to give my talk on?”
“On anything ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines.

(Disclaimer, original joke was in Filipino, imma roughly translate it for y'all)

So John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines, everything was going smoothly, and then something went wrong with the engine!

Sirens were blaring in the cockpit, and the pilot issued a PSA t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A disheveled man with a shrunken head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.

"Sorry to be intrusive.. but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.

The man replies: "I was the captain of an elite naval vessel pat...

Jesus and Moses......

Were up in Heaven fishing in a lake and drinking a couple of beers. About an hour in, Jesus looks at Moses and asks him, “Hey Mo, you think you still got it?” Moses asks, “separating the water??? Man it’s been a looooong time but I’ll give it a shot.” Moses proceeds to stand up in the boat and in a ...

Nsfw. Jesus n Moses are walking down the beach comparing powers. Moses goes to Jesus, "Check this out." He faces the ocean n parts it clear down the middle. Jesus with a smirk, "ok ok, put it back n watch this."..

Jesus begins to walk out on the water and starts to sink. Jesus walks back n says to Moses "I don't get it, I can usually walk on water." Moses, laughing. "Probably because you got them holes in your feet."

Jesus and Moses are having a conversation in heaven...

Jesus "Moses, people are starting to lose faith and I don't know what to do about it"



Moses "Well, the last time you preformed some miracles in person, it really made people gain faith"



Jesus "Thats a good idea"



So Jesus and Moses go down to earth to a he...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.