UPJOKE
patientdadlucaslukejake lloyd

Anakin Jokes

If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for?

A stormtrooper.

What did Yoda tell Anakin after sleeping with Padame behind his back?

May divorce be with you

Did you know Anakin Skywalker was Jewish?

You can tell because he cut up his force kin.

How did Anakin and Padme break up?

They got a diforce.

Who played Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Why did Anakin Skywalker fail as a lawyer?

His arguments didn't have a leg to stand on.

Anakin Skywalker walks into a Taco Bell, and is shocked to find his master Yoda behind the counter

He asks what the Jedi master is doing there, to which he replies "Pay well, Jedi council does not. Work two jobs, I must." Fair enough, thinks Anakin. He orders his food, and reaches into his pocket to pay, when Yoda asks, "A beverage, would you like with that?" "Ok," says Anakin, "what do you recom...

So if “Ani” is short for Anakin, and “Ben” is short for Obi-Wan... and “Fives” is short for CT-27-5555... and “Artoo” is short for R2D2... and “Chewie” is short for Chewbacca... What is Luke short for?

A stormtrooper

Why didn't Anakin Skywalker become an engineer?

He couldn't get a Master's degree.

Why couldn’t Anakin Skywalker be promoted to a high Jedi rank?

He would have been a Master Vader.

Why was Anakin Skywalker rejected for a credit card?

Because he applied for a MasterCard.

Why was Anakin's master weak?

He was Only One Kenobi.

My son Anakin loves that I named all of our children after Star Wars characters

My daughter Chewbacca, however, is less thrilled.

My local KFC will be celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th with an Anakin special.

It’s an extra crispy chicken with no legs and only one wing.

Why did Anakin fail to answer the trivia question?

He was stumped.

Why couldn't Anakin pay for dinner?

His Master card was denied.

Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker upload his pics to email them to Padme?

Because attachments are forbidden.

Who is Anakin Skywalker’s least favorite politician?

BURNie SANDers.
I made that up like a year ago but if someone else thought of it, too, my apologies!

What does Anakin Skywalker never order at a restaurant?

Sandwiches.

What did Anakin order from the Italian bakery?

Only one cannoli.

Anakin went to pay for dinner,

but his MasterCard got declined....

Why didn’t Obi Wan share any Budweisers with Anakin?

Because Anakin didn’t spare any Yuenglings

Whats the worst insult you can call Anakin Skywalker?

"Beach"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anakin, obiwan and yoda are sitting round a table playing poker

They’ve played a number of rounds until Anakin has built up quite a big pile of chips

Suddenly his face lights up as he sees he’s got a nearly unbeatable hand.

Feeling lucky he force pushes all of his chips to the centre of the table

Obi wan: don’t try it

Anakin: I’m goin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Anakin like his sex?

Course, rough and getting everywhere

What were Anakin and Padme watching on their wedding night?

The rise of Skywalker.

What does the US’s Native American policy have in common with Anakin Skywalker?

They like slaughter not just the men, but the women and the children too

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

Last night I partied like Anakin Skywalker.

I killed a dozen Yuengling.

How does Anakin Skywalker check his mail?

He uses a C3 PO Box

What's Anakin's least favorite footwear?

Sandals

What's Anakin Skywalker's favorite beer?

Yeungling. He can kill off a 12-pack by himself.

Why did Anakin Skywalker fail survival school?

Because when he was truly lost, he did not seek the higher ground

Why did Anakin Skywalker hate bed time?

Because that's when the sandman came.

And not just the sand man but the sand woman and and children too

What does Anakin do when Luke doesn't eat his vegetables?

He force-feeds him

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Anakin say to Padme right before they had sex?

Let's see those Naboobies.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side?

(shrugs)

"Well, Sith happens"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roses are red, balls are round.

It's over, Anakin!
I have the high ground!

The final lightsaber duel between Anakin and Count Dooku was the best. duel. evar!

Hands down.

What does Obi-Wan think about Padme and Anakin's relationship?

Di-vorce is strong with these two

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Anakin see when he walked in on his master unannounced?

Obi wankin' Obi

If Anakin lost a limb in II and Luke lost a limb in V, then in VIII

Rey WILL NOT lose a limb, because she already lost a Han.

Obi-Wan cuts off so many limbs

he cuts off Darth Maul's legs

he cuts off Savage Opress' arm

he cuts off Grivous' hands

he cuts off many of Anakin's limbs

and so many random people in bars have lost their limbs to Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan is a menace.

Considering that he is now dead and exis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

Two things that never get old:

1. Jokes about Anakin killing the younglings
2. The younglings

In Star Wars Episode I, we learn (spoilers)

That Anakin Skywalker has no father, the midichlorians caused his birth.



I guess his mom was forced into it.

Two friends are going to film their own version of Revenge of the Sith.

They both have a really strong bond, so they decide that it'd be best if one played Anakin and one played Obi-Wan, the only problem was that they couldn't figure out who would play whom.

After a long bout of reasoning, bickering, and contemplating neither of them could come up with a reason w...

What do you call a nervous Jedi?

Panakin

When did Anakin's Jedi Master know he was turning to the dark side?

In the Sith grade.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.